A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am 26 and my boyfriend is almost 32. We have been together for just over a year and discussed marriage from early on. I have acted totally crazy at times by being mistrusting and possessive but seem to be much improved on this front now. I'm also quite grumpy at times with him, esp when I'm tired. He has always been very patient with me. We have recently been discussing buying a house together and getting married and starting a family next year. I'm not sure how to show him that I am very excited about all this without going OTT (as I am prone to doing). I have been checking estate agent websites etc already and love planning our future but I don't want him to feel like I am forcing him to marry me. How often should I mention 'our future' or should I leave it up to him to bring it up each time? How keen is too keen? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 As much as you can just go with the flow. I am like you too I get ott excited about stuff. Deep breathing helps me. Definately tell him you are excited about the house and looking forward to it but don't say anymore than that. Another thing that helps me that might help you too is keeping a diary. That way you can get your excitement "out"
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (12 August 2010):
Hello there. It's great that you have both actually talked about buying a house together, which shows some sort of future together prospect.
It would probably be better for you, to not focus so much on the future, but to enjoy the "Now" with him. By that I mean enjoying the time you spend together talking on the phone and going out to places together. Just concentrate on getting to know each other more. Don't try to rush things - it will all happen in good time. There's no hurry. Live in the present moment.
Also, instead of trying to make the future come sooner, perhaps you could fill some of your own free time taking up some hobbies or interests. Still see your friends and definitely keep in contact with them by phone as well seeing them from time to time. You both need balance in your lives. Independence is also very important. We are each responsible for our own happiness - no-one else. That also takes the pressure of our partners if we make ourselves happy. You'll both be happier together if you each have some independence, and not being together every day of the week. There is a need to have at least some time apart.
The busier and the more fuller you make your life, you won't have time to think about the future. It will all just happen.
The reason you get a bit uptight and grumpy with him is more likely to be about your underlying anxiety about your future with him and when it's going to happen. So you really need to relax and chill out and just be yourself. If you don't worry about it at all, it will most likely happen a lot sooner than you thought it would.
Anyway, I really hope it helps you. Take care and Best Wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Janice25  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Hello.Well, yes. I think u should give him an opportunity to talk about marriage too.Don't force much on the subject.
Just be natural and eventually things will happen.
...............................
|
