A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi guys i was just wondering how often people have sex in a longterm relation ship of over 5 years. I undertand sex slows down but has ours lost to much Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): For myself an average of 3 times a week. In my 20th year of marriage and going strong.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): Therapists and people in the psych community will tell you that on average the male requests it 4-5 times a week and the female offers it 2-3 times a week.
But, this is not really that helpful to know. All that matters is how YOU feel about things. Clearly there's a problem. Try getting the two of you off to a therapist to talk about it.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 August 2011):
 It's true that there is no normal...our "normal" is never so anything upwards of that is true bliss.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (19 August 2011):
 There's no such thing as normal. Some people have sex daily, some once a week, some once a month. It doesn't really matter what other people are doing, what matters is whether you're both happy with the amount, and clearly you're not.
You need to talk to her about why her sex drive has slowed down. My first question is does she orgasm (easily) every time? Are you still doing enough foreplay? The other external things that could be going could be stress (maybe at work, with family, or with you), not feeling attractive, a new medication (especially anti-depressants or birth control, but there are many that can have this effect). Again you need to talk to her to figure out what's going on.
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A
female
reader, bunnyblueeyes +, writes (19 August 2011):
 It doesn't need to slow down that much. You may not need to jump on each other the moment you meet but you still want each other.
I'm coming up for my fifth year and still love having sex with my partner! But if you live with each other you may not be setting time aside to be romantic.
Try cooking her a nice meal, sort of like a date night once a week, its a great way to show that you miss the intimacy of your first dates, when you set time aside to be with your partner.
It worked a treat for me.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): Maybe you could try change something and make it more exciting, maybe thats whats lacking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): I have been with my fiance for 4 years, and its starting to die down! i remmeber when we started dating it was nonstop! Now...its like once every 3 weeks. :/
But everyone is different.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (19 August 2011):
Everyone's different. There are people here who will claim once or more a week even after 20 years. Personally it's more like once a week after five years, and tapering off after that, so it's more like once a month by 20 years.
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