A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, Please helphave been married for 24 years have 3 children 23,19,and 11 not currently working off on disability due to back problems have had back problems since 1990 and now most recently Fibromyalgia im pain all the time some times some days are better then other but i feel that i try the best i can to keep up with him but it seems that it is never enough, tried counseling about 10 years ago but he said we would go back to er just found out that, it was because she was female that was why he didn't want to see her any more . my husband and i have sex 2-3 week maybe 3-4 a week yet we have been fighting a lot lately because he feels that i don't give him enough sex please help? yet we never this problem before now we do he says it because his body has changed since we were younger he is 47 and 41 please help or advice thanksfrustrated wife Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aussie Yvette  +, writes (11 October 2010):
Your man needs to remember that he loves you and not what you can 'do' for him. My husband and I have sex every few months because it causes me so much pain that it's actually torture for me. We don't do anything else in between. My husband does his best to be understanding, and I'm sad that I have the condition I do because I fear he will stray...but he loves me enough to try and sacrifice his 'needs' for mine.
The thing about a healthy sex life, is that you both have to compromise. If he wants to be having sex every day, and you have to fake it every day, then you need to start wondering whether he loves you or your uses. You need to ask does he want you to fake it so he can get off, or whether he would like to make love to you and have you enjoy being with him...differences in libido is difficult, but its like this in almost every relationship.
Next time he says you don't give him enough, just let him know that if hes with you so he can have sex when ever he wants then you didnt sign up for that, and remind him what you thought you did sign up for, tell him about the things you love about him and then leave it at that. He will think about it for a few days no doubt, then make love to him and talk to him again about how you love him and wish you werent sick, and that you need his support and understanding and to be loved outside of sex. Ask him if he will love you even if you don't feel like sex as often him, then ask if there is something else you can do to help him feel like you love him thats not about sex.
A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (11 October 2010):
 3~4 times a week. :) Your hubby is lucky. Lots of men his age would be very happy with 1~2 per week. Hes being selfish about it...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): If he loves you, he will need to accept and compromise. You have diagnosed ailments...not imaginary pains that are excuses. 4 times a week is really quite a lot for couples in their 40's...even twice a week is good. I'm approaching th esame age, and I was in a marriage for many years where the sex was once a week. Let me tell you, I was not happy...but I compromised. What did I do? Well, masturbation had a big part. A bit sad, but you have to compromise in a marriage, and sex isn't everything. He needs to learn this.
So what is normal? Anything is "normal"...but what makes a strong relationship is that you are matched, or can compromise so that you are both satisfied. You can't really compromise more because of your pain, so he needs to.
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 Hi Hunny
Pain all the time is very depressing and can really take its toll on you, I understand only to well about back pain.
Obviously your husband knows how much pain you are in and this is what gets me..That he is thinking about his own needs when he has a sex life, More than he is thinking of your pain..
Plus why would someone complain and moan when the one they love is in so much pain? Im sure if your pain went for any period of time you would be jumping on him quite happy because you felt so bloody free and happy to do so..
Im sure you have spoken to him, Im also sure that there are men out there that dont get sex as often as your husband does..All I can say to you hunny is be honest with him and try and explain once again why you may not feel quite so sexual some times.
Its not him its the pain you are in, Simple thing to understand and if he thinks its frustrating for him then maybe a walk in your shoes would do him good...TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Hello!
Sorry about your situation. Sounds like he has quite the crave. Yes, I think 2-3 or 3-4 times a week is normal. If he's craving a lot and is very aggressive, chances are something could be wrong. If he's passionate and very into you and not aggressive with getting it, thats another story. Id hate to suggest he's being dishonest in the relationship and I wont rule it out as possibility. Most men, NOT all, but most if they dont get what they need sexually chances are they will look for it somewhere else. I know this because I have done it myself and it was a bad mistake. Ive also seen other men do it. Hopefully, he's not like this and perhaps a male therapist may help him, even if it is one on one. Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Oh Sweetie, wish I could get my husband to have sex with me once a week - the mind boggles at 2-3 times a week.
Maybe your hb is feeling that he needs reassurance that he is still desirable and sexy in your eyes.....
I do understand your medical condition stops you from being very active, and you are no longer able to hang from the ceiling... but when he wants sex and you are feeling very sore, what about oral sex... its probably the easiest way of pleasuring a man when you are not really in the mood...
And I have yet to come across a man who will turn down oral sex!!
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