A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How normal or often is it to get depressed by what your loved one says? sometimes I feel like I was in a better place before I talk to my boyfriend. He's very politically centered, and I just don't like politics. everything has to be political. My talking about my boss wearing a suit is some kind of Coercive tactic on her part so I too wear a suit. I just got frustrated, but I don't always express this frustration or depression. I've told him in the past that I have a hard time relating to him on that stuff and feel alienated/disassociated when he talks about it. He's expressed openness to adapt but if I specifically ask, when I'm getting depressed about something political, for him to change the subject. He can shut down and get angry; so there's a line between offending him and speaking out against something that depresses me, I'm interested in striking that balance.some of the problem I think is that he doesn't have an outlet for that part of his personality, in fact, I am probably the only person he talks to more than on a classmate level. I don't want to break up with him, because I do love him and I want to make this work, if I had to take him with the political talk or not at all, I would take him, but I don't know if he fully appreciates the extent that these conversations bug me. what do you think?
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (30 September 2011):
"How normal or often is it to get depressed by what your loved one says?"
Actually, the feeling of getting depressed is from the other aspect you mentioned. It is from you not being able to say what you feel. It is from the part where you say "I just got frustrated, but I don't always express this frustration or depression." When you don't express your frustrations, it leads to depression, and if you don't express your depression, it leads to more depression. If you do express your frustration, he reacts by shutting down, or getting angry, which makes you not want to do it. It is like a catch-22.
This kind of catch-22 is common in one form or another in relationships. The way through them is communication, but it isn't easy. You will have strong feelings about it that you find difficult to talk about, and he will have strong feelings of being criticized of taking it personally, and he tends to react emotionally when that happens, so it makes it difficult for you to handle your fears of talking about it and your fears of his emotional reaction. He will have a difficult time understanding that you aren't attacking him, and that this is just a real need that you have in the relationship.
To go through this process, you will both need to learn a new way to communicate with each other, and a new way of understanding one another. It will change your relatinoship, but if you get through it well, it will change your relationship for the better.
Gather your courage and start talking about it, and telling him your frustrations and depressed feelings, and the part you think he plays. Get ready for his emotional reactions, be as undersatnding as you can with him but stick to your guns too without being unkind, just be honest, if you are upset by his reactions that's ok too, but try and talk it all through like an adult, to the point where he can behave like an adult too. It can be hard but you will be glad you did in the long run.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2011):
 I do things for my boyfriend that I sometimes don't want to do.. play certain board games I don't like because he likes them and he likes to game... but in general I LIKE GAMING so it's not that big a stretch for me.
IF I was with a man who wanted to talk POLITICS all the time I'd be bored to tears, not able to contribute to the conversation and rapidly TUNE HIM OUT... this would make him feel bad I am sure.
so can you make a list of all the PROS of the relationship and all the CONS of the relationship and compare them.
I gotta tell you TOLERATING behavior from someone YOU CHOOSE to be with gets OLD FAST.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, this happens with my mother too, should I break up with her too?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 If am honest I know that you said you don't want to break up with him, but to me it sounds like you both have little in common. You are two very different people and I guess you can't change his personality or his way of thinking. So you need to be prepared to take him as he is or else find another person that suits your personality more.
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