A
female
age
41-50,
*ogTired
writes:Hi everyone, I'm at my wits end and would greatly appreciate some input and opinions. My partner and I have been living together for 3 years, he is an absolutely wonderful boyfriend. Problem is he has a 12yr old epileptic dog, who has grand-mal seizures approximately every 6 weeks. Ranging from anywhere between 8 – 14 seizures, every 4 or so hours. The past 6 months have been the worst, previously it has been more tolerable. The side-effects from the seizures last about 2 weeks, where the dog, urinates and defecates all over the house, chews, neurotically licks everything (including people) and whines non-stop; unless someone is in the room with it and giving it tons of attention. It is extremely frustrating and annoying, that I don't even want to be in my own home. I can't invite anyone over because of the dogs behaviour and the state of the house. And I can't even perform a simple task such as cooking or eating without having the dog obsessively lick at me every 5 minutes or try to jump up at the food (it is a big dog so having to push it off all the time is exhausting)– and is SO annoying. During the seizure period one of us needs to stay at home to be with the dog. This is always brings up an argument, I can't miss anymore work as I'll lose my job, my boyfriend argues it is better then him losing his as he makes more money. To me that is not the point, we can't put our lives on hold for a dog! I don't mind the fact that we've had to cancel countless holidays, parties or dates (as I do want to be there for the dog and my boyfriend) but I refuse to lose my job. I think the dog needs to be put down, I've been supportive and understanding up until now, I've just had enough and can't handle the stress of it all and having to walk on eggshells because my boyfriend becomes temperamental and snappy. I told my boyfriend next seizure episode, I'm going to stay with my parents for a few weeks - he was disgusted and said it is not fair that I am not willing to be there for him (which I've been doing so for the past 3yrs, I've reached my limit). He is horrified and thinks I'm being heartless as I suggested he think about having the dog put to sleep, and argues that the dog has about 5 weeks (out of 6) where he is a happy and functioning dog – and constant vet appointments do confirm he is otherwise healthy. My boyfriend is hoping the new medication he has the dog on will work and is holding out on that. His argument is that you wouldn't put an epileptic child down, so why do so with the dog. I however think it is cruel to put human life-value on a dog, you deny its needs and fail to make responsible decisions as an owner. We are spending a fortune on its medication, special diet and constant vet visits, near putting us in debt. I think it is foolish to revolve your life around an older and sick dog, the dog has lived a full life. It has suffered a fair bit of brain damage and requires constant supervision now and its needs far surpass that of any normal dog, to the point it is becoming a burden. It is honestly not a case of me being heartless, I understand that pets are a part of the family, I have three of my own who I love to bits. But I believe in the natural order of things we sadly do outlive our furry-friends and when their suffering becomes too much or if the value of their life declines then we need to do what is in their best interests.I'd appreciate anyone's input on this situation. Thanks for taking the time to read.
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female
reader, diane0905  +, writes (16 October 2010):
This is a difficult situation to be in. I know the question was asked a bit ago -- if you come back and check in, is the dog still living?
My daughter and her husband just left the house to take their golden retriever/border collie mix to the vet again after he started having cluster seizures. Between them and my husband and I, the dog is now up to over $9,000 in vet bills. We have done every test in the world, MRI, etc. and the vet diagnosed idiopathic epilepsy. The dog is only 7 months old.
This is a horrible and stressful thing to go through. Yes, I agree a person should have compassion for a pet. A lot of compassion. We love this dog very much, but these continuous seizures have to be hard on the pet also if the doctors are not able to get them under control.
Eventually, caring for a very sick dog gets to be all consuming and a big financial burden. It breaks my heart to witness these seizures and I'm sure it's very emotionally upsetting to my daughter and her husband -- plus, a burden on their relationship.
I won't even go into comparing a dog to children. I love my dogs a lot -- but -- obviously -- not like my children. Not the same.
I do think there is a limit to what people sacrifice for a pet. It sounds like this dog has had a good life and been well taken care of if he's living at 12 years and been having the seizures as described.
Whatever the original poster decides, I don't think she should feel badly about her decision.
A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 A pet, particularly a dog, is as much a member of the family as a child. you wouldnt expect him to put his epileptic child to sleep, nor should you the dog. A dog should only be put to sleep as a very very last resort, when THEIR quality of life has de3teriorated to such a point THEY no longer wish to go on. it is nothing to do with your quality of life or your wishes. A dog is just as special as a child, and when the time is right to put the dog to sleep he will know. until then the dog should be given all the love and support to help him live a fulfilled last time on earth.
If he is important to you, then things which are important to him (eg the dog) should be important to you too. The dog is still happy, bouncing, licking, and still full of life, it is cruel to suggest putting him to sleep because of behavioural traits he cant help.
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A
female
reader, DogTired +, writes (21 May 2010):
DogTired is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for taking the time to reply - much appreciated!
"Chigirl", I will definitely support him and help him through such a difficult time. I completely understand what it is like to lose a pet it is devastating you lose a part of your family, I recently had to have my sweet little hedgehog put down because cancer took her quality of life and she was no longer eating or able to walk. It was the hardest decision to make but I needed to end her pain. I feel my boyfriend has an unhealthy dependency on the dog which is blinding him from seeing how much it is suffering. It is really sad. I feel so sorry for the dog, I've done all I can do.
"Red Green 0289" I'm not sure if you completely read everything...I don't think it is fair to accuse me of being callous as I have supported my boyfriend and his dog since they have been living with me for the past 3yrs. I have tried the past several months to get my boyfriend to understand how much his dog is suffering. And believe me I'm very sensitive towards this situation and don't intend to put any more stress on him then he already has to endure.
But when you hear the dog yelp out in pain as his body uncontrollably convulses and he smashes into things (if we can't get to him in time) and his teeth start tearing up his mouth and there's blood everywhere - it is heartbreaking to say the least!
Thank you "Pinktopaz", you've given me a little more confidence in my decision, as hard as it will be to follow through. But hopefully when I'm not there running around and sharing the workload he'll see the full effect it is having on the dog.
Thanks again everyone!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 May 2010):
Well I wouldn't consider the way that you're feeling as "callous." But I can see both points of view. But comparing a dog with epileptic seizures to a child with epileptic seizures is really comparing apples to oranges and a really stupid comment for him to make.
The dog is 12-years old...if it's a large dog, it's lived a pretty long life, a lot of large dogs pass after 10-years or less. I agree it probably needs to be put down soon because it's probably suffering. Now you're suffering too. It's also ridiculous that your boyfriend sees it as "okay" for you to lose your job to stay at home with his dog. Sorry, but what an idiot.
I think you should just stay at your parents like you said and let him deal with HIS dog. It sounds like you've done your share of helping to care for it and now it's crossing a line. If it's worth it to him to lose his job over his dog that will probably pass soon anyway, then that's his own stupid decision. I say you stick with your plan and let him deal with it. If he ends up hating you for it, it sounds to me like you'd be better off anyway because apparently he cares more about his dog than you.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (21 May 2010):
You need to handle this carefully. Become an advocate for the dog, not a pain in your BF's ass. The dog is miserable, show compassion and start dialoging with your BF about what's in the dog's best interests. This may take weeks... you have to plant the seed that what's happening is WORSE than putting the dog down.
After the animal passes, you need to show a great deal of compassion and sensitivity. Loosing a beloved animal is hard, loosing a callous GF isn't.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 While I understand and personally believe a dog, or any pet of similar size, should be treated as more than a piece of furniture, no job is going to understand treating a dog like a child. Try getting support financially from the government because of an eplileptic dog and they will probably laugh in your face. Support for an epileptic child however is serious business.
Your boyfriend is quite ridiculous expecting you to give up your job for his dog. Yes, pets should not just be abandoned when the owners get lazy, and owners should take responsibility, but loosing your job over it is going too far. This dog is old, has lived it's life, and is suffering. You and your boyfriend do not have the time and energy to take care of this dog.
It is sad, but if he refuses to put it down, look into other options. Are there any animal shelters near where you live? Maybe give them a call and explain the situation. Perhaps you and your boyfriend could call the veterinarian and tell them about the situation and hear their advice. Then give your boyfriend some time to think about it and let it sink in.
He sounds to be extremely attached to his dog, which is understandable, many people treat their pets like it was their own child. So if he makes the decision to give up on the dog, support him tons! He will probably need time to grieve, just like you'd grieve over a close family member who passes away. So be there for him.
But, put your foot down at your job. If he wants to loose his job over the dog, fine, thats his decision, but he has no right to tell you to give up yours. He is the one who wants to keep the poor dog alive, then HE take the responsibility for it.
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