A
male
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*eithym
writes:Hi,I need advice about how much money I should be spending on my girlfriend's birthday present considering we've only been going out a few months. For her birthday she suggested that I could take her on a weekend break to Center Parcs, and she will treat me for my birthday next year. Apparently, that is what here and her ex used to do. The idea is nice but the long weekend stay costs £300 for just accommodation, which is a lot of money if im paying for both of usI know this might seem tight but £150 on a birthday treat for a girl I've not known for too long is a bit excessive. Don’t get me wrong, we get on great, but what do people think? And if you agree, how do I go about suggesting we lower the amount we spend on each other without me appearing tight and non-committed to the relationship?Thanks, and looking forward to reading your repliesKeith
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I'm with the others, her suggestion was a tad presumptuous. A thoughtful gift is all that is required here. How she reacts to it will be a very good gauge of her character.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): If you can afford your £150+ tell her it's a great idea as long as she pays her half. The birthday treat would be for you to pay the coach fare or other mode of transport - but go to Butlins or Pontins instead.
She sounds like a gold digger to me though.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 G'day mate,
sorry champ, but she sounds a little superficial if you ask me. A genuine girl will treasure a gift that comes from the heart, something that reflects that you have spent time and consideration choosing, not something that involves jumping on a few rides at a funfair.
Mentioning that this is what her ex boyfriend used to do is a little rank if you ask me, its like she is saying that "this is what I am accustomed to" - a bit precious.
Maybe it was an innocent comment, but you should not feel pressured into forking out cash you don't have to spare just to please a new girlfriend. That is not a real good start for a relationship of equals is it?
good luck.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Hiya Keith, Emily's right you know, be different to her ex. I'm wondering why your girlfriend suggested that idea, is she trying to keep her memory of him ~ asking you to do the same as what he used to do with her? I can see that she's well and truly put you on a spot. I bet it's not even a special birthday like an 18th or 21st, is it?Please don't think I'm running her down or anything like that, I'm not, far from it, but I for one wouldn't... COULDN'T possibly ask that of a boyfriend, she should realise that money Could be a problem, don't be afraid to tell her you haven't got that sort of dosh lying around, it's nothing to be ashamed of....and I don't think you're being tight at all especially as you've not been in that relationship for very long. It's obviously worrying you, and I can see that you really want to make her happy, but please, you mustn't go getting yourself in debt trying to impress her and keep up to the standards of her ex, he may have been loaded or he could owe bucket loads on credit cards.All I'm saying is, be careful with your money. It's not my place to tell you how to manage your finances, all I'm saying is, think wisely how much and how you're gonna spend it.Any kind of gift, however big or small, cheap or expensive, to me it's always the thought that counts. Tell her you're not in a position to be able to afford the weekend she asked for, and perhaps at a later date you can treat her to what she wants.I've found this link...have a browse, there's bound to be something in there...it's packed with gift ideas and you get to choose how much you want to spend.http://www.treatme.net/Good luck Keith and I hope you find what you want to make her birthday really special without burning a hole in your pocket. Please let us know what you decided to do.BigSisxXx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Just tell her straight up that it is beyond your means right now. That's how my bf's always are with me. They tell me right then and there what's up. Not in a mean way but more in a realistic way. In fact, I love that. it shows that they have there own personality and are not afraid to be honest with me. Tell her sorry but not this year, but be sure to let her know that when you do have more money you will definitely take her there. And keep your word. That's all.
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (2 July 2008):
 No dont take her to centre parcs, especially as she went there with her ex.
Just buy her a nice pressie, I personally think around £20-£50 at this stage in your relationship is more than enough. Maybe a pressie and a meal out which may cost slightly more.
A nice piece of inexpensive jewellery or an item of clothing or perfume, or a collection of bits and pieces like chocolates, flowers a cd a dvd etc etc.
Tell her you would like to go for a long weekend together in the future but you will expect her to pay for herself or at least make a substantial contribution. My husband took me to spain to meet his close uncle, his best friend as they grew up with each other (they are the same age). We had been together 3 or 4 months and I paid for my own ticket. He wouldnt let me spend a penny when we got their but I would not have just expected him to pay my way for me.
I have to say if she expects this now what on earth will she be expecting for christmas!!!! The way to approach this is to explain that splashing out hundreds of pounds on birthdays is not the way you have been brought up. Birthdays to me are small affairs unless its a really special one with a little bit more at christmas, thats the way ive been brought up.
If she throws a fit and screams blue murder then she is just after your money x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 July 2008):
You spend as much as you like. If you have several hundred pounds spare then buy her a diamond ring. If you have a tenner then buy her something small but thoughtful.
Do you really want to do what her Ex used to do anyway? He is her Ex for a reason, and hopefully you are different / better than him. If you go to the same place he used to take her, will she be remembering all the things they did there?
For me, it's more about the effort you put in and the thought that goes into a gift. But some girls are all about the money. Why not find a cheaper alternative place to take her for a weekend? Centre Parks is very over priced. If you live down south then why not check out Eurostar prices to Paris. You can go for a day trip if you live close enough to London. A hotel in Paris doesn't have to be that expensive if you do some research.
Be your own man and do what you think is right, not what her Ex used to do.
Good Luck!! xx
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