A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm not very familiar with the US culture. My boyfriends son and daughter are graduating from high school and middle school. They have a party soon and I don't know what's the norm here and what I should get for them. Do you think spending like 300 bucks plus getting a cake for them is reasonable? Should I give them money or gift? Or too much? Thanks for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2017): I like your question. It's one that hits everyone of us at some point in our lives or another. How much is too much, how much is not enough, and when is it appropriate?
Reach down in your heart. Before ever giving a gift, decide what they mean to you personally. Then consider before giving; how much is just our pride and trying to impress them? Or, to compete with others to flaunt our wealth or generosity? That is the wrong way to give. My motto is to give generously; but with fun and practicality. They'll get junk and stuff to spoil them. There will be things they can use that will help in pinch.
Sometimes a gift is given with the best of intentions; but they are still not accepted graciously and with the level of thankfulness they deserve. God blesses people everyday, just by giving them life; but they still don't see the significance in it. So don't worry about competing, trying not to upset they're mother, just do what feels good.
If you can put thought, kindness, and generosity behind your gift; you will not consider just giving them something expensive. You'll do something that demonstrates your love and fits the occasion.
These are high school and middle school children. Going away to college; they can use loaded gift cards to cover little expenses and emergencies that arise. They're kids, and likely to spend them beforehand; but let them choose. I'd say $200 for the college student, and $100-$150 for the middle-schooler. These are just suggested amounts, give what you can afford with comfort and within reason.
My niece graduated high school last year. She told me this past Christmas holiday, that she stashed all her gift cards away, and used them as she needed them. Even paid her phone bill with one of them. So I know they can always use them.
You can't buy love. Don't worry about what others may think, or if they'll think less of you if you don't fulfill their wishes. Kids never really think ahead, so cash cards are best when you're just getting to know them; and you're not sure of their taste. I think it's sensible to offer them the option to get what they really want on their own.
You can also consult with your boyfriend. He knows their tastes. He may not want you to go overboard, feeling you have to prove anything. He can even share the cost and help select gifts to give them from the two of you; and you can give one just from you in addition to that. Don't get a cake. That's something their mother is more likely to do.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (9 June 2017):
 I think $100 - $150 would be more than enough. You're no doubt going to help them financially for quite some time still, so there isn't much point giving more than $150 and a party. A cake each would be sweet.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 June 2017):
 Whatever you give them, the monetary value should roughly be the same so that neither feels left out or more favoured.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2017): OP- Honeypie thank you for the advice. The graduation is for his son mostly but it happens that the daughter is graduated from middle school too. So I was thinking I should give her something too so she doesn't feel bad. Their mother is not in this party as it's in my boyfriend's house. I offered to bake a cake also was thinking cash maybe a good idea as I don't have the time for shopping and really don't know what they like. The son graduate off to college. Maybe 200 to him and 100 to her?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 June 2017):
 Ask him.
Is the mother involved in the graduations as well? If so she might already have considered the cake (for some, cake a such a big deal...)
Personally? I wouldn't spend $300 on a kid who finished middle school - I think a party is fine (IMHO) Graduating from High School is a whole other matter. Is the HS graduate off to college? If so, it might be a good idea to get stuff for his/her room (if he is going to a dorm). Or gift cards/cash can be pretty useful too.
As for the amount? I can't say what's the "norm". But I would ask the BF what he thinks.
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