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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I love my gf very much. We have imo a great sex life. At least 5-7 times a week if not more. On occasion and especially in the morning i just am not up for it. Usually a few hours pass and im ready. She gets very upset at this behavior. Intense crying ensues sometimes for hours. She tells me i dont find her attractive. Tells me if she were skinnier id want to. Tells me guys dont reject sex. All untrue. She is so beautiful and i love our sex life. At other times when i feel i just dont want to i will try to force myself to avoid her blowout. Then i usually cant finish and her same behavior begins again. I dont look at porn, i never masturbate cause we have plenty of sex, and im entirely faithful. I love her but am finding her behavior ridiculous where she finds mine selfish and left rejected. She wants to all the time if i masturbate. I can count 7 times in the last YEAR. Imo im not raping myself nearly as much as 99% of the male pop. She inquiries constantly about porn usage. Which yes on occassion but so rare for me. She wants to know the website and i dont mind showing her. Then i get. Did you fuck her in your head? What about her? And her? And her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): She needs help. Seriously, her behavior is not normal and it's destructive to the relationship. She has huge self esteem problems and for her it's tied to sexuality. Furthermore, people who use crying to get you to do what you dont' want to do, are emotionally blackmailing you and this really damages relationships because it makes you resentful over the long term. So, she is damaging your relationship by her behavior. She needs to get some counseling.
In the immediate time frame, you need to stop giving into her crying. Every time you do, you're just rewarding her for crying at you and taking no responsibility for her own behavior and handling her own emotions. She keeps doing it because she has found it works on you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): She needs serious counseling assistance. This is not about sex, this is fear, raw and deep fear that is coming to the surface, fear of rejection.
If you love her, got to couples counseling with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): If you're having sex about once a day, try to accomodate her whenever you can, and she still has these insecurities, then I would say she has a serious dependency thing with men and sex. Nothing wron or unusual about having slightly different libidos, but for her to throw tantrums and pin you to the wall over masturbation or porn shows insecurities on her part. Try to work with her on limiting porn and masturbation (sounds like you do). If she still throws fits, see if toys would help satisfy her when you aren't up to it. If that doesn't work, sex therapy, if that doesn't work, move on.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Seems a bit obsessive to me indeed, and I can understand not always being "up for it" in the morning. I'm much older, but with some similar experience in my younger years. My solution with a few girlfriends was to offer my erection for oral practice. Let her provide morning bjs and maybe she will worry less.
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