A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I met this guy two years ago but he was with someone else, so we lost touch, but then one day a year ago we started talking again. And I found out he was single. We started talking practically everyday and every night and things seemed to go very well although it was mostly a phone relationship. The issue is neither one of us seems willing to change our lifestyle and we both have very busy schedules. But every once in a while I'll make an opening but he doesn't seem to want to create time for me. I know it's best to just move on but I have never let myself feel much and be this open with any man and somehow I seem to have fallen in love with this guy and he says he loves me. He shares his dreams with me and i have become very attached to him. He just gets me like no man has before. But he doesn't seem to really want to be with me and when I try to end whatever it is that we have he begs me not to and tells me to "please wait and be patient" but my patience has limits and Im not really the kind who waits around especially when I don't really see why I am. So basically I would like some advice because I have given him an ultimatum but I can't stop thinking about him and wondering how he is and what is doing. I'm just really lost and in love but I don't want to make a mistake, especially not in this department. Thank you
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2011):
 I agree, look at his actions, not just listen to his words. If he really loved you that much he would find time for you.
And what exactly is it that he wants you to wait for?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 What does he want you to wait for? Have you asked? Are you waiting for him to be in a relationship with you? In which case, what's keeping him from being in a relationship with you right now, and what makes he think he'll be in a relationship with you later? What is it he says exactly?
Did you tell him "I like you as more than a friend, and if you do not like me back then we need to cut back on the contact before I get too attached to you".
Be direct and ask him what's up. Ask what it is you are waiting for and why.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Has it occurred to you that he may want simple friendship with you and nothing more? If that's so, and you are okay with it, then fine, but if not....
By allowing yourself to become "very attached" to him, you have taken a step too far when apparently it wasn't warranted - and yes, it's true we can't help our feelings, but we CAN help what we do about them.......seems you're now at the point of making a choice. A year IS a long time....
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Action speaks louder than words. You should read the book
"He's just not into you". It seems like he's keeping you around until someone better comes along.
I say move on. Two years is enough. If he was into you nothing would stop him from you guys being together.
End all contact so that you can heal and find the right man who will give you the love and attention you deserve.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 There is only so much time a person can wait for and a year is a long time. You need to give him an ultimatum either he wants to be with you properly or he doesn't. Tell him you are not going to wait around for him forever and he needs to make an effort now if he wants to be with you. It is as simple as that, don't let him try and talk you out of it. Keep your mind strong and hopefully he will make the right choice. If he doesn't well then I guess the best thing for you to do is cut your ties with him before he can hurt you any more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): I was in thius situation myself. the thing is if neither of you are willing to compromise so you can be together, then you only have one option left, which is to give up and move on. You need to really communicate to each other and figure out whether you really want to be with each other or not. I know it's hard and scary, but these things can never work if you are both not willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. I would do some soul searching and figure out what is more important, being together, or to have the other things in your life as they are. No romance can ever survive without compromise from both parties involved. Good luck
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