A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How much effort should a woman put into being attractive for her partner?. I mean considering my partner has developed very particulicular tastes in women lately.How much should I be trying to be what he wants or trying to be attractive to him He never seems to even notice me
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 March 2017):
 I think you need to speak to him, it seems you are assuming these things and he is not actually telling you this. Have you problems with being insecure? Surely you can talk to him and he can reassure you, if not then is their any point being together?
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (12 March 2017):
OP...Your question is fair and valid...YES!!!
Let me ask you this...How do you feel when you know your man has interest in other women, other than you???
Do I see other women that are attractive? Yes of course...We all do. But you...Yes YOU...choosing to alter yourself to become someone you are not, based on lust, fantasy, or whatever concept he has in mind...crazy.
Now...that being said...If..."IF"... you are doing role play...dress like a nurse, teacher, and so on..For the fun of sex....great. As long as he accepts YOU, as you are right now...and no do not live in the fantasy or lust world...boom baby.
Men will look...fact...But a woman will let a man know what she allows and does not allow...NOT..the man.
Get me?? You MUST make rules...so much and no further. If he goes further...he goes bye bye.
I do not care what the man wants...I care about what YOU are willing to accept.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2017): Brown wolf , don't all men have an interest in looking at women ? Don't you yourself look at 'women ' or can you honestly say you only look at woman ! One woman's breast , one woman's body
I have yet to meet a man who reserves his sexual stare for only one woman . Every man I have been with is interested in looking at women's bodies
It's a bit harsh attacking me as the OP because I had the audacity to point out a fact that men give their interest to women not just woman when it comes to appearances
And although you may not understand it , for some of us women that causes us to wonder what lengths we are expected to go to in order to meet that desire for variety
I think my question was fair and your response someone condescending
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2017): Well how do you know about his new interest in these things (large breasts and different hair colours)...if it is just based on what he is looking at in porn well there are many answers to those kinds of questions on here but it seems that men look for fantasy in porn, and go to particularly unrealistic/ caricature versions of women.....so that might just be a little whim that he is on now in that area of his life...(they also often look for body types and hair types that their girlfriend DOESN"T have...seem to fill in the gaps of different "types").
Or did he come right out and tell you he was attracted to women who look this way (and describe it)? I am a little confused as to how you know this.
Have you discussed this issue with him at all? What has he said?
I think we need more information to determine whether this is just your fear that he has a preference, or if he really does have a preference and is being rude about it.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (10 March 2017):
"I mean considering my partner has developed very particulicular tastes in women lately"
Did you actually read what you wrote????
"MY partner has taste in "WOMEN"...WOMEN !!
Umm...what sounds better...MY partner likes "ME" a certain way.
He has certain taste in women, and you want to know how much effort YOU should put into being one of those women...WOW!!!
To hell with being yourself these days, and having a man love you for being you...oh no...as you said...
"he seems to have developed a real interest in large breasts and also a different hair colour than mine ."
So I guess you are off to see how to get larger breast, and change your hair colour.
A lion does act or become a cat because you want a cat. You do plant a grape plant, and expect to get strawberries.
But he meets you, and expects to get something else...and you are willing to do it. So the question is...Who are you? Are you...YOU...or are you whatever a man wants you to be?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): This is the OP , in particular he seems to have developed a real interest in large breasts and also a different hair colour than mine . I am not large breasted nor do I wish to change my hair colour . I did read that some people suggested wearing a wig but to be honest I feel quite uncomfortable with this as if he is somewhat insulting me . Arnt I more than my hair colour to him . If he wants a woman who is a different hair colour so badly he should go find that woman I think
I'm all for experimenting sexually but I am who I am and I don't want to be just a sex aid tgat he masterbated I to while imagining in various women
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): May I ask what kinds if paricular tastes your partner has developed all of a sudden? I find it strange that he never had a type before- at least not that he let on- but now suddenly seems to be very particular...is it possible his changing taste is really him wanting someone else in particular? Either way I dont think it is fair if him to ask you to change outer appearance for his whims.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 March 2017):
 Other than what you think makes you look good. We don't live life trying to please others. We fixate on what we think looks good to ourselves.Othes(yes even the ones we love) can go jump in a lake with their wants and expectations.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 March 2017):
 How much effort should a woman put into being attractive for SOMEONE ELSE? NONE. You put in the effort for yourself.
Honeypie has explained it perfectly.
Never do something for someone else. Only do what YOU want to do for yourself if it benefits someone else...good for them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): Go only as far as he's willing to change to please you!
Do whatever makes you happy. As long as it's fun, reasonable, and has value. The sky is the limit, but you set the rules. He may set standards too high, and more than he will ever deserve.
All you should care about is taking good care of yourself, looking presentable; and dressing appropriately for the occasion. Add little extras when you need a little pizzazz.
It's good to boost your ego! Experiment! Never hurts to be flexible or open-minded. We all have to change or evolve in some way. Improving the mind, body, and soul. They're called "self-improvements" for a reason.
If you believe you've got to be like an actress trying out for various roles; you're in the wrong relationship. You can't be a shape-shifter and change your appearance or personality to suit his fertile imagination.
It's better to ditch him and let him find what he wants, if it isn't you.
If he's not appreciating you when you've done your best; it means you're with the wrong guy, and you're just refusing to see it.
What's he doing to please your tastes and appetites?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): I always try to look well groomed and stylish when out with my wife. I also try to keep reasonably fit. I grew a goatee some years back but my wife objected because she say I looked too much like my younger brother. I took a good look at both of us and had to agree so I shaved it off. Because that didn't seem unreasonable.
If your partner says he likes your hair worn up wearing it up sometime is not unreasonable. If he ask you to die your hair blonde and to start wearing blue contact lenses that may be over the line.
If it makes you uncomfortable don't do it. You may be better off without him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 March 2017):
 A woman should put in the effort she is WILLING to put in.
I don't think women (or men) should put in an effort to look attractive solely for a partner, but for their own good.
Let's say your BF is now into redheads and wants you to dye your hair, but you look ghastly with most shades of red, it just doesn't go with your complexion. Should you do it? Personally? No, maybe for kicks get a red wig but I would NOT change myself to look like whatever particular LOOK he is liking right now.
What if he likes women with triple E boobs and you are an A-B or C cup? Should you alter yourself for that?
NO, if THAT is important to him, HE shouldn't date you and then expect you to be made of playdough that he can SHAPE into whatever fantasy he has.
Sounds to me like he ISN'T into you anymore and instead of LETTING you go and finding whatever type he IS into - he is neglecting you to a point where you in DESPERATION things that YOU now have to change yourself to suit HIS desires.
YOU should be YOU. The best YOU, you can be. Not for him, but for you. We all get a little complacent in relationships and we DO need to take a look at who we WANT to be and who we are. To stay happy with WHO we are. Learn new things, try new things, "evolve" and grow.
I don't think, however, we should become "someone" else to please a partner. Then it's not YOU they want to be with, is it?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 March 2017):
 You need to take care of yourself, not mold yourself into something for someone else.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 March 2017):
 There is a difference between taking care of yourself and looking smart and presentable - which we should all make an effort to do - and pandering to someone's fetishes.
If his "particular tastes" are more important than your happiness, then I would say it is time to move on and leave him to his fantasies, especially given that you say he doesn't even seem to notice you any longer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): If he never seems to notice you and appears to be noticing other women with whom he has a particular taste for, he really doesn't seem to be worth your time or attention. Putting some effort into making yourself attractive should be something you want to do not just for your man, but also for yourself.
Not knowing what your relationship is like, other than the fact he never notices you, makes it hard to give advice As for me, I'd be offended if he was paying attention to other women while never noticing me. Women want the attention of their man, want them to compliment them on their appearance. I'd probably seriously consider ending the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2017): Hey,i also had many crushes in school. i also wanted that they should come and talk to me and things like that. But the most important thing that you should keep in mind in front of him that you should not at all look desperate and first u should get to know bout his likes and dislikes. then 1 day just start a conversation with him. boys always love to talk to girls no matter how the girl looks(except he only wants to have sex with a hot girl).and from time to time,involve in a conversation with him and things will start getting in ur favor.
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A
male
reader, VitaminZ +, writes (8 March 2017):
"He never seems to even notice me"
You should be with someone who not only notices you but appreciates you.
As for your effort... Whatever you do, do it for yourself and what makes you happy. If you want to lose weight, get a new hair cut, or get a makeover, do it because you want to. Don't do it for someone else.
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