A
female
age
41-50,
*nnemarie782783
writes:HiI hope i dont come accross as some sad case here. I need to know how to move on from an ex, this has been going on for near enough 2 years now. I love him with all my heart and i do think he has strong feelings for me back but too much water has gone under the bridge. We had a messy relationship 2 years ago and he cheated on me with his current gf. He is still with her now and although he says how unhappy he is and how his head is a mess and he cant stop thinking about things. We go through stages of no contact sometimes this can last for a few months and i begin to pick myself up then he contacts me and i am back to square 1 again, this has happened about 6 or 7 times in the last year. i feel in a way he is doing it because he isnt quite ready to let me go. I dont want to let him go but for the sake of my head i have too. I had my last straw last weekend - it was a mutual friends bday and we ended up rowing, followed by sleeping together :0( to me it means so much and i thought 1 last time i will tell him exactly how i feel about him. So i did and i said i loved him and would move for him, my gut feeling was he would say no, and true to form he said id never be happy where he was and that he still has feelings for me but its too late for us. I didnt get upset i thought to myself right enough now - enough looking at their photo, enough of the crying. So for a few hours i was great and positive. Anyway then i suddenly get a msn from him randomly, i didnt even know he had msn, saying he cant get the weekend out of his head and he is so confused now as he never realised i felt like that. How is this helping me?! i dont feel strong enough although each time he hurts me i seem to be learning how to pick myself up. I then went out in the evening with a friend and i got on really well with one of her friends and he asked me out for dinner, i accepted the guy was funny and he made me smile. But as soon as i spoke to a friend of mine about it the next day when the words came out i have a date i felt sick and my chest went tight. I cancelled on the guy as i just couldnt face it. Im not sure why as he was lovely and fun. Prob just what a needed but i kept thinking about my ex.Am i ever going to get over this or meet someone i feel as much for. I feel so unworthy and low at times i dont know how much of these highs and lows i can take :0(Thanks all for advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): wow ur defenitly an inspiration. ur not a total mess at all ur just trying to fall out of love it seems. and not alot of women have the strength u do. i kno i dont ur doing so good but if u want to kick him from ur life perminetly u need to stop replying to his texts/ e mails/ phone calls everything no matter how desprit he seems to need u or need ur help its not ur problem anymore he has someone for all that and u cant let go if he cant let u go so therfore he needs to relize ur done forever and it really is going to help a great deal if u start dating again call that guy back and say something came up that day but ur free this weekend if the offer is still on the table and talk to ur g/fs about everything its so good to get all that off ur chest. u will meet someone u feel that much for its just gonna take some time n u might have to go through a few before u find someone but it will happen and u will get over him. u sound like an amzing women and i kno everthing will work out as it should. best of luck to u.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): You have more strength than you know. What it takes is making up your mind that you WILL give this man the boot, starting right now. Once that has been done, you'll be the the one calling the shots and in control of the situation.Look here: he has you on a string, plus another gf. He's got the best of both worlds: cheating on her with you and cheating on you with her, and committed to neither one of you. Sex when and where he wants it. That's why he's not ready to let you go completely. If he was really THAT unhappy with the current other woman, he would leave her. Its as simple as that.The way to end it is to tell him - but only once - that enough is enough and you want him OUT of your life once and for all. Tell him he is not to phone, message, email, text, call at your house anymore, period. Not now and not several months from now. No need to go into a lot of explanation (which he'll undoubtedly want) as to "why are you doing this to me?" (him speaking). That he has messed you around and cheated with another woman is quite sufficient to call a halt to all his games. Then refuse to open (better yet, block) any emails, texts, msns from him. Contact the phone company to see if there is a way to prevent him from calling you. If there is not, and if you have caller ID, you don't have to answer the phone when his number shows up, do you?Go out and have fun with your friends! No need to feel low self-esteem: he's the one who doesn't deserve YOU! If you get invited out by the other guy, by all means go! Don't feel guilty, but DO take things s l o o w with any new guy you meet. It'll all work out and you'll be much happier!
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