A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been feeling really bummed out about the way my husband responds to...well me being bummed out. Sorry to be confusing. For example today I took a big hit as I realized I missed the deadline for papers for a sizable sum of money...I had lots of dreams attached to that money and went into a panic. Basically, I had to have postmarked them by today and I didn't realize this till late at night because I had a super busy week and I just forgot. Work plus kids, and I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant...I feel like things are getting overwhelimg at times and I start to fall apart. When that happens it seems that the sadder I get, the more distant my husband gets. I mean... how many tears need to fall before I get offered a hug?? I don't mean to make him sound cruel..he's a great guy ofc. And I don't mean to make it sound like I'm crying all the time, I actually tend to be more of a suck-it-up and stick-it-out person. We have talked about this and he says he doesn't know what to say to cheer me up when I feel down. I believe this as it's not really his thing...but I'm his wife...shouldn't he just try? ANYTHING seems better than leaving the room or turning to the closest form of electronics. I don't know what to do short of telling him explicitly that when I'm sad I'd like a hug. It makes my sadness turn to anger against him for not caring, and I don't like that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): 'I don't know what to do short of telling him explicitly that when I'm sad I'd like a hug.'
Why on earth would you not tell him what you need? He is not a mind reader!
Let him know that if you're upset first port of call is hug. It doesn't come naturally to many people but if you are explicit that's what you need then he'll do it.
I understand that going to get the hug yourself is not the same as being offered one.
But tell him what you need
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 November 2014):
 Sorry 'bout you're tardyness, maybe he was too bumed out also to realize your anguish?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): oh dear dont get angry with him, that wont solve anything. if you genuinely believe that he cares but doesnt know how to go about it, you hug him. why does he have to make the first move to hug you? maybe when hes sad he'd rather be left alone and so he thinks that you want to be left alone too. darling, you should give him a hug - if he's not giving you compassion on a plate, go after it.
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