A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My head tells me to leave him but my heart tells me to keep on fighting for his love. He is so indifferent towards me he no longer comes to have lunch with me and he is gone all day. He says his works keeps him busy but what about me what about his kids. He leaves in the morning and doesn't come home till late at night but yet I'm suppose to understand,. he don't even come home for lunch anymore. I have tried to be very understanding but I'm not dumb and know something is not right! Am I suppose to just sit here and wait? What about me and what about my children? I want a husband a father who will be there for us I feel alone and he doesn't try to change a thing all. He says is thats my job what do you want me to do..I shouldn't have to nag, nor ask for him to spend more time with us...I guess he is either we us or not. How many more years am I suppose to invest in this relationship when I am already tired? His kisses or touches don't mean a thing to me anymore He dedicated his time in losing me and I guess he is finally there. Sould I continue being there for our kids or I should pack my bags and leave? I guess Im done! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): "[Should] I continue being there for our kids or I should pack my bags and leave?"
I'm reminded of an exchange between a judge and litigant on a popular US courtroom show:
Judge: Why did you break up with [your ex-boyfriend]?
Litigant: I decided that he wasn't the man for me.
Judge: Couldn't you have decided that BEFORE you had three children with him?
Leaving an unhappy marriage does not mean abandoning your children. Do not visit your grievances with your husband upon your kids.
Otherwise, agree with Sageoldguy1465 and Cerberus.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): I love Sageoldguy1465's response, that is exactly it.
OP where you ladies get this idea that emotions are like a barter deal is beyond me. Like you keep score of all the things you do, how much you're putting in and that you'll magically get the same in return but with 12.5% interest on each 'I love you'. Not just ladies actually, guys can do that too.
OP relationships aren't investments for the future, you have to have immediate returns. You put in now, you get back now. Relationships are about maintenance, about living well and loving well right now. Not pouring your hear and soul into someone you hope will give back in the future if you do.
Time to stop asking why or how and listen to your head that says "get out, get out now and rebuild".
OP are you really going to stick this out until you're broken? You sound like you're nearly already there OP, do you really want this to end in a complete breakdown and then messy break up? While you're still able to think clearly, still able to be strong OP do what's right for you, and do it now. Time to cut your losses and stop paying into this investment which is yielding no returns.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 April 2013):
 I like this phrase: "...How many more years am I suppose to invest in this relationship....?" because it is a stepping-stone to my explanation and reply.....
We often hear WOMEN speak of "investing" in a relationship.... as if it were a trust or a savings account. Using that "money" analogy, continue to MEN.... whose nearest-equivalent analogy is that of SEX as a currency which is perishable (like ice cream!)....
Women want to build and protect and nurture the "investment" they're making.... whilest men - children that we really are - want to EAT ALL THE ICE CREAM BEFORE IT MELTS.
For men, the phrase "long-term" means (roughly): ".. for as long as I am getting $ex with this one... or, until I can find the next one (woman) who will be my sex partner."
DON'T stick with a guy in the hopeless belief that he is going to "improve" and become a good B/F/partner. He's already shown you all that he is. It ain't suitable for you..... so get away from one-another....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (17 April 2013):
I understand your painful situation and how lonely and alone you feel with your children.Before you decide to leave talk to him again and suggest a visit to a counsellor would be helpful.If he refuses to go -you go alone and talk the matter over with a counsellor who will be able to help you before you make a final decision. Kind Wishes Nora B.
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