A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi thanks for reading, I'm looking for advice on how to end my relationship without hurting my boyfriend.We have been together for around 18 months, and he is the sweetest boyfriend I could have imagined... But he is not 'the one'.To be honest, I feel bored. There is no spark, or sexual connection... And I don't feel like we're on the same level, intelligence wise.He adores me, and wants to get married.I have mentioned breaking up a few times, and he becomes hysterical! Threatens to hurt himself, and it breaks my heart to see him like that, because he really is a great person.What can I do??
View related questions:
spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): "Threatens to hurt himself" Oh boo-fucking-hoo, what a weak-ass little emotionally blackmailing bitch he is.
That's the kind of shit "the sweetest guy ever" pulls is it? No, that's not sweet that's just mental abuse.
Dump him and get on with it, and next time you feel any tinge of guilt remember this "sweet" guy is willing to emotionally blackmail you into staying by threatening to hurt himself if you don't.
A great person doesn't do that kind of thing OP, only a controlling asshole does. I can see why don't want to be with him. He's boring, he does nothing to excite you, he doesn't work to keep the fires of passion burning he just expects you not to leave him with threats of self harm instead.
What a dick OP, what a cowardly little boy he is. Just say it's time to move on, dump him and never look back. Talk to his parents or friends and tell them that he threatened to hurt himself if you broke up with him and that you have now broken up with him and they should keep an eye on him.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 I think it's important that you look at exactly what has happened, is happening and will happen....
1. When two people don't get to that "critical mass" of loving and enjoying one-another's company... then they can and should part ways...
2. IF one of those people (your B/F) really would like the relationship to continue, whilest the other - (you) -doesn't.... then there is going to be pain/hurt when the break-up happens....
3. Threats, predicated upon the breakup and its aftermath, are simply theatrics....AND are really an attempt to blackmail (you) in to reconsidering.... Is THAT really a suitable basis for NOT breaking up????
I suggest that you reconcile that you CANNOT make the breakup without hurting him... and then deliver the breakup message as gracefully as you are able.... BUT, forthrightly and conclusively... making it clear that you will NOT reconsider, under any circumstances....
Good luck.....
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 April 2013):
 Break up with him, and do not stick around to comfort him. Tell his friends and family that you've had to end the relationship and you are concerned for his well-being.
If he makes a specific suicidal or self-harming threat, call emergency services and get him professional help.
He's doing a brilliant job of emotionally blackmailing you into staying with him.
You are going to hurt him, there's no way around this. Do it now, and give him more time to mourn and to get help if he needs it, rather than waiting until some magical moment.
Are you planning to marry him? No, of course not. So every day you spend with him, continues his fantasy that this is the outcome. You're doing him a disservice by keeping that fantasy going.
The question isn't so much how to do this without hurting him; he will have a period of mourning.
The question should be, what will hurt less, breaking up now or breaking up later?
You are not meant to be with him. Hurt him less now, rather than hurt him more later. That's the way to look at this.
Tell his friends and his family that it just isn't working for you, that you have decided to move on. You don't have to list all the reasons for them; in fact, you should not. His reaction will probably give them the clues they need to figure it out for themselves.
Tell them so that they can support him when he goes into his hysteria. Be ready to call emergency help if he threatens self-harm.
Then leave, do NOT stick around to hold his hand or talk about it, and begin your own mourning period.
Be brave, be firm, be consistent.
...............................
|
