A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I met this man at my old job. He would come to the floors i was working on as we worked in different departments. Then he gave me his number to text him. i was over the moon. We started talking getting to know each other and he told me that i caught his attention the first time he saw me. We countinue talking then he dropped the bomb that he still lives with his ex and 2 infants because he is having fanancial issues. i believed him and we started seeing other. I just broke it off after 3 years because he hasn't taken things between us to the next level and he still lives with his ex and refuses to hangout with me in public.How long will it take me to recover, because i feel like i did alot of internal damange to myself emotonally..i feel like crap and rubbish
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 August 2020):
 OP, you made a mistake.
You took a chance on a man who possible just used you. Who most likely isn't living with his ex, but his WIFE and children.
The reason he didn't want to be seen in public with you, was to avoid the drama with family and friends. And perhaps also to protect HIS reputation. Maybe even yours. If either (or both of you) are Muslim, you know dating is a no-no by the Quran.
Instead of beating yourself up over this, LEARN from it. DO better next time you pick a partner. Be more sure of what you want and who you spend time with. It doesn't sound like a good idea to "date" a guy who lives with his "supposed ex" and 2 INFANTS! And it doesn't sound like a good idea to date someone who is financially unsound.
Unfortunately there is not magic fix or solution to "just" get over someone. You invested 3 years into this relationship it will take some time to move on.
Know this, YOU did the right thing in ending it.
You are still very young and have a lot to learn, it is OK to make mistakes, just try to avoid REPEATING them.
Chin up, you will come t realize that you can DO so much better than some ole dude with a wife and kids.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2020): Three years is a lot of time to invest your feelings and emotions; so you need to give yourself enough time. I am so sorry.
Giving-up someone after that much time is going to hurt; and your heart and mind have to come to terms with the detachment. The grief has to run its course; and then the subconscious-mind has to accept the reality and finality of the breakup. It fights to keep things like they were, when it didn't have to absorb loss and grief. The subconscious-mind prefers things to be calm and normal, it likes predictable.
The mind can be pretty mean to us when we lose someone. It keeps bringing back the memories, makes us second-guess our decision to let-go, we miss them, and we hate the feeling of loneliness. It's all a process, but you'll survive it. The withdrawal is agonizing, until you get tired of feeling sorry for yourself.
I wrote this when I first came to DC, after I got dumped. We didn't fight or have any problems. I was just blindsided, and all of a sudden that was it.
At your leisure, read this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-will-i-finally-get-over-the-breakup.html
I hope it will make you laugh, and make you cry. That's what I did as I wrote it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 August 2020):
 You need to forgive yourself and acknowledge you did your best with the information you believed to be true at the time. Once you realised that things were not going to change, you drew a line and called it a day on the ersatz relationship. Well done for that.
For what it's worth, if someone refuses to be seen with you in public, they obviously have something to hide.
Don't put a time limit on your recovery Everyone heals at different rates and in different ways. The universe sends us lessons to learn. Consider carefully what you have learned - in general and about yourself - from this episode in your life, then shake yourself down, hold your head high and move on with your life.
You'll be fine. Just give yourself as much time as you need.
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