A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been dating someone for about 7 months, the last 2 months has been less and less...I don't get return phone calls for days, we rarely see each other. We have never argued, when we are together we get along well, although there is a bit of akwardness at times. We have great chemistry. I am told by my friends that he REALLY likes me but is afraid due to a past break up. I have not pressured him at all, have asked if he wants to talk but to no avail... I love him and want to wait around, but waiting and not knowing what is really going on is very painful. Should I tell him exactly how I feel or just let the relationship go, and then IF he works everything out, he will come back on his own? How long is a good time to wait around, and when is it time to move on? I know healing takes time for everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, I thank you for your responses... I did send him a card, telling him exactly how I feel, so as not to pressure him to make a hasty decision on the spot.. it is now up to him to decide what he wants... I appreciate all of the feedback I have received. I just hate to miss out on something great that could ultimately last a life time ( I have never felt this way about anyone!! - and I have been married and am not just a young teeenager being silly), because I walked away too soon. Thank you so much!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): It doesn't sound like this is a serious relationship so I am wondering why you are waiting around for him at all.
You don't have to cut him out of your life, you do have a third option. You can put your focus squarely on YOU and take it off of him. You can remain open to the attention of other men, you can go out on a coffee date or go to the mall or the gym and make any male friend that you want to, and that way you are not waiting for anything other than for the man that will step up and claim you as the ONE he wants to be with for the rest of his life.
Sometimes a guy can get too comfortable and secure that you are waiting around for him, he also can get turned off that he is the thing that you hinge your happiness on, instead of having your own fulfilling life with friends, interests, and passions and having other male competion will maybe put a fire under him to motivate him to claim you if that is how he really feels about you or risk losing you to some other man.
Either way, by focusing on what you want rather than what he is doing, you create space in the relationship for him to come forward, you take the pressure of both him and you and you take care of yourself by not putting all of your eggs into one basket. Your heart belongs to you....that way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 September 2009):
 You two do need to talk. You need to find out why he is back up now. Tip toeing around will do nothing for the relationship and nothing for the healing. Be open, be honest.
I don't think there is a set time to wait before moving on, you will know when you are ready.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (11 September 2009):
 Hi there, At our time of life theres no point waiting around for him to get his act together. Tell him exactly how you are feeling and if you dont get the reponse you want, move on.
If my guy didnt get in touch for days he'd be gone and he knows it. Sounds like your quite passive in all this. Grab the bull by the horns and sort this out. Good luck x
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