A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm 23, and i've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now, only that it's been mostly a long distance relationship. but we've been pretty good in communicating with each other about our feelings and usually we get to spend a weekend maybe every three weeks. the problem arises from the fact that we still haven't had sex. my girlfriend is from a very conservative family and she's behaved well and obedient to her parents all her life. admittedly though i've kind of cheated on her once(but it didn't become anything romantic/seriouc/sexual) but still that was more than a year ago and it kinda bothers me that this is one of her several reasons as to not have sex with me. i mean two years! i'm a normal guy with hormones and second base ain't enough. but i also love my girlfriend and don't want to lose her. you guys think i should wait it out more or is she being unreasonable?thanks to all.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters  +, writes (2 July 2009):
 I'm sure your girlfriend wants to have sex too (eventually), just not right now, but when she does, if you are not with her, it will be someone else.
Never pressure a woman for sex. If you love her, wait until she is ready. Find ways to sexually satisfy yourself (without cheating) and realize that by slipping up that one time, it's enough to make her feel insecure.
Talk with your girlfriend (without pressuring her or acting disappointed in her answers because if you do she may change her answer to please you, which she should not do) about when and under what conditions she would ideally like to have sex. Is more commitment needed? Do you need to work to earn more of her trust? Or does she just need more time before she is ready?
Based on her answer you will then know when to expect sex. If she wants to wait until she is married, you have to decide if this is a relationship worth waiting that long for.
If having sex very soon is more important to you or you think it eventually will be, don't hold onto the relationship any longer.
And if you do end the relationship and find someone else, make sure your morals are similar. The fact that your girlfriend is more conservative than you are, means you must make this sacrifice if you are with her.
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