A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Readers,I would like some advice please in regards to a guy I met. I come from a background of Domestic Violence and have not had much luck in the past with men. I have had a lot of counselling to avoid getting involved with toxic men, however I have been hurt a lot and suffer with Major Depression, anxiety and a diagnosis of BorderLine Personality Disorder, which I have been told makes me quite vulnerable. My ex gave me a black-eye, sexually assaulted me and I got involved with a guy on the internet that turned out to be a predator which hasn't helped things.I cannot fault the guy I have met. He has been very supportive in regards to my toxic family who I no longer have any contact with and seems to genuiely care about my welfare. He has bought me flowers, helps me out finacially and it all seems to good to be true. I am not used to be treated like this.I am very sexually attracted to him as well. I have kissed him and I find myself wanting to go to bed with him, but am holding off as I am feeling scared of being hurt again. As much as I like him after getting into some heavy kissing today I started to have an anxiety attack when he left and felt somewhat overwhelmed by my feelings.How long should I wait before having sex with him. I feel like I want to now, but am aware that he may not respect me as much if I do it so soon.I'm not sure how long I need to put the breaks on for.Any advice would be very appreciated thank-you.
View related questions:
flowers, kissing, my ex, the internet, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 Well you haven't specified the length of time that you two have been dating. But really, no one can tell you when is the right time to become intimate. You'll just know. It's how you feel, it's the timing, it's the right moment.
And he doesn't seem to be like any of the past guys that you've been involved with. And I think he genuinely cares about you- and would respect you if you have sex with him soon or not.
I know you've been through a lot in the past, but don't allow it to spill over into the present or future. You deserve to be happy- and treated well by a man. And if this is the man that's going to give you the love that you need, open up your heart, and take a chance with him.
Best Wishes! :^)
A
female
reader, PR_Scorpio +, writes (10 October 2011):
First of all, I'm very sorry about your past experience with your ex's. There's absolutely NO excuse for any man to put a finger on a woman! I commend you for not giving in to sex yet. I think it's wise to take things very slow and allow the true colors/intentions come out in time. If this new guy is really interested in you and respects you, he will also understand that you need time in order to become intimate with him. Do not feel rushed or pressured to have sex with him in fear of him losing his interest in you. If he does, then he's not the one for you. You have to look out for yourself and your well being (mentally and physically) and there is nothing wrong with taking things slow until you feel comfortable and safe to take the relationship to the next level. There is no timeline of when you should have sex with him. Just go with your gut feeling. If it takes 3, 6, 9 months or even a year, then so be it. It's better to be safe than sorry and you've gone through enough trauma in your life to get into another relationship that's going to hurt you. Be safe and take care of YOU!!! Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, ZoeHannah  +, writes (10 October 2011):
 Hello Anonymous,
Firstly, is your partner aware of your past and the vulnerabilities you are experiencing? I would suggest cluing him in on how you feel, he should be appreciating and understanding of your situation.
In most relationships, the longer you can wait the more respect you will gain.
Your past is your past, so don't let it become your future. You have to make a leap sometime, and maybe it is your time to trust again.
I wish you all the best!
Zoë
X x X
...............................
|
