A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has just been on a 6 wk tour of Canada with work and came home 2 weeks ago to tell me that he no longer wanted our marriage. He said that he did not want committment anymore. He had enjoyed leading a single life whilst out there. He also told me that he had not been happy with our marriage for about 2 years. This was news to me. To end our marriage just like that has completely destroyed me. I found out a week ago that whilst he was in Canada he met a girl and they slept together a couple of times.He has now told me that he is completely confused about the way he is feeling and I am left completely in limbo. I don't know whether he will come back to me or whether he is going to abandon the whole marriage altogether. I am in torment at the moment just not knowing. I love him more than anything and just cannot sit back and let him end the marriage just like that on his say so. Altogether we have been together for 18 years but married for 8 of them.How long should I give him to make a decision as to whether he wants to continue with our marriage? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): He's prbably coming to realise that the grass on the other side of the fence isn't quite so green after all. Give it a couple of weeks and see how things are by then.
My guess is he'll be down on bended knee begging forgiveness once he comes to realise that he's got steak at home and only beefburgers elsewhere.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): No there are no children involved. In fact we had planned to start a family next year which is what he wanted. I do not know what has happened to him and why he has changed his mind.
He has never shown any sign of immaturity before. Everyone has told me that he is having a midlife crisis and that he will come to his senses but I am not sure. I'd like to think that he would come back to me as I love him so much. I did not see this coming at all.
He's changed his mind from saying that he does not want the marriage to saying that he needs time to make the right decision. What is he thinking?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): Go see the movie Fireproof together and then have a heart to heart talk. I think he has a lot of guilt and also confused about all the freedom that he had and how much he liked it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): Tell us a little more. Any children involved?
Has your husband always had a streak of immaturity? Far as I am concerned it is a cop out to say you are "confused". He knows what he is doing and what he wants, why not just say it in a forthright fashion. Probably feels guilty, as he should.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): It sounds rather like he's been 'let off the leash' by spending some time in a different culture and he liked what he saw. He lived the life of a single man for 6 weeks and enjoyed that too. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't have a dalliance or two while he was out there - they just love an English accent!
Unfortunately it takes two people to make a marriage and if one of them wants out badly enough, there's not very much the other person can do about it.
I'd suggest you sit him down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him and instead of getting angry at this revelation of his, see if the two of you can't change the way you run your marriage to make each other as happy as you once were, or at least happier than at present. He's probably pining for the good time he had out there.
If he says he's confused, that tells me that he hasn't 100% made his mind up yet, so there could be a chance to salvage things.
I felt the same way as your husband after spending about 6 months in America, so I have a rough idea what might be going through his head.
...............................
|
