A
female
age
36-40,
*arrisal2
writes:I like a guy. Who is still getting over his last breakup. It's been affecting him pretty hard. We hang out, we fool around (no sex - his suggestion and we both agree), we have the best time when we're together. He's told me the reason we aren't dating is because he's not over what his ex did to him and he doesn't want to be another shitty boyfriend to me. (We know each others' relationship history so he knows the crap I've been through)My question is - how long should I wait for him to be ready? I know not to push him into anything and I'd rather have him as a friend than push him and lose him. (Obviously I want more than just friendship, though) I'm not putting my life on hold for him, I'm still applying to grad schools and doing my own thing, but is it bad that I don't want to date anyone else, even when I don't know when (or if) he'll be ready.
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female
reader, junebug81409 +, writes (5 February 2010):
Sorry im on my cell when im on dearcupid so it dont show everything and i would have sent something to ur mail but it wounldnt go thru but from what u said.i know its hard to pull away from someone that ya really like and get along with and now i really understand why he wants time bcuz that was a long relatonship and you both have been treated bad in the past but i think you should stay in touch but just dont push it.just follow your dreams.follow your heart but use your head.i really do think he means well or he would have been pushing sex and this and that.ya know?so i do think that he does care but is still hurt.just be open with him and im sure something good will come out of this even if you guys end up just being friends.thanks for the info it really put things into place.and thank u for letting me know i helped.made me smile knowing i helped someone.thanks again honey!good luck.......remember just be open with him! ; )
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 I hope you don't take this the wrong way but it's not about not being ready...he's not ready for something with you. Sure, he likes you and likes spending time with you but for some reason he can't give you more. And the fooling around? Even if there's no sex, you're allowing access to your body to a guy who's not your boyfriend and a guy who is not committed to you...I don't know how you can do that. And yes, you agreed on no sex but who's to say it won't happen when you're in the heat of the moment.
Don't wait for him at all. Get on with your life and as hard as it may be date other men. You might not feel like it but you need to get out there and meet other guys.
The last thing you want is to give your time to this guy and for him to turn his back on you when he finds someone he wants to call his GF. You will get really hurt then.
Of course there is a chance that he will realize he wants to be with you but that's a slim chance.
I think that any man who's ok to be doing all this with you without a committment will never give you that committment, respect and love. Don't waste your youth 'waiting' on him. be strong, tell him you want more and if he can't give it to you, let him go.
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A
female
reader, junebug81409 +, writes (4 February 2010):
Just give it time.you never said like how long his past relationship was and what happen but i just all you can do is live your life.dont push it but dont wait on it if u get into a collage then go dont waste time on a unsure relationship.if it was meant to be it will be and if he truely cares about you than he will want you to go and follow your dreams but there is no way anyone can tell you a date that you should just stop caring.ya know?well good luck and congrats on going to college thats awesome!
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