A
male
age
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*ort
writes:I've been seeing a woman for over 10 years. Due to her family issues we didn't always spend every week together and the relationship was not public to most people.I've been thinking of asking if she really will get married, not just "in a few years". I'm having trouble putting it as an ultimatum.I think 10 years is enough, but maybe by waiting so long, I created the expectation that it is OK to just stay that way.Thanks for reading and please tell me what you think. Reply to this Question
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 June 2009):
 As I see, it, she has drawn an invisible line in the sand: "I won't marry you". She is not saying it, but her actions mean it. This is for you to decide, but, in principle, there is nothing that should prevent you from leaving if you don't like the situation. There is no need for ultimata.
A
male
reader, bort +, writes (8 June 2009):
bort is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answer. I have brought up the subject several times over the years, but she is never ready. Always "maybe in a few years".
I think I have made it clear that I don't like the situation, but it is hard to make an ultimatum.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (8 June 2009):
Maybe you didn't creat the impression that it was OK to stay like that. It seems like she's felt comfortable all the time. It doesn't seem like she wants to change that. Ten years is way more than enough.
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