A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'd love your opinions, males and females please, on how long the "honey moon" period of a new relationship generally lasts :) I've been with my new bf for coming on 6 months now. I've noticed things have cooled a little in the last few weeks...like, for the first few months, as soon as he saw me, he'd kiss me for ages, and he'd send me cute texts spontaneously, but that doesn't happen so much now - he mainly texts to say hey, whatcha doing and to tell me about his day, or to make plans to meet up, instead of texting me something cute. If the honey moon period is over, then I really miss it, and wonder how to get it back? We see each other maybe 3 times a week, and I'm not the type of girl to be ringing/texting all the time, so I don't think I am crowding him.Also, in the last month, my bf has moved house into his own apartment, and has had a lot of changes to deal with at work, which obviously could be affecting his stress levels and libido. I'm supportive to him, and everything else in our relationship is great. He told me out of the blue 3 months into our relationship that he loves me, and last week told me he is happier with me than he's ever been. He says he feels relaxed and like he can be himself around me, which he says is a good thing. He does still compliment me from time to time, like saying I look good in particular outfits. We do still kiss and are still physically as well as emotionally intimate, it's just not as intense. My friend tells me I need to pull back a little, make myself unavailable for a few days, so that absence will make his heart grow fonder, or even try the treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen approach, but game-playing is not my thing.I guess I'd like to know how long in your experience the honey moon period lasts, and how to get it back and make it last :)Thanks. x
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 March 2011):
Roughly 6 months - and it doesn't come back.
It's a dangerous thing to attempt to live in the past, or in the Honeymoon stage permanently. The reason it's a Honeymoon stage is precisely because it doesn't last, and it's not meant to last. The point is that your relationship is supposed to naturally progress past that, into a new place. That's now happening with you and your boyfriend, and in truth you're overlooking all the signs that he really is into you. He's still there for you, he still compliments you, he's still into you, he loves you, he likes being with you and likes being himself around you.
Stop overlooking those clear signs, and instead of trying to get the honeymoon stage back, progress the relationship naturally.
As for your friend - she's wrong.
1 - If you make yourself unavailable, he'll either think you're losing interest (you'll make him insecure, and this will drive a wedge between you), he'll know you're playing a game (in which case he'll be mad), or he won't make a big deal of it and you'll end confused.
2 - Treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen doesn't work well with men. My experience is that women are more susceptible to this, whereas a man will just treat you mean back, or he'll end it and clear off.
Your relationship is progressing very well in a natural way. Explain to him that you miss his compliments and texts, and maybe he'll send a few more again. But don't try to re-capture something that has gone. It won't work, and you'll end up with hugely high expectations, or he'll get tired.
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