A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a guy for about six months. Everything was wonderful. He had been divorced for about 9 years and me 10. We have much in common, including work, religious views, money etc. One night, he got quite and told me that he has been in love with a married woman for 8 years. She lives 100 miles away from him. She broke his heart and he has never gotten over her. He has been waiting on her, she "has started talking things she has never said before - about leaving her husband." She did this after she found out that he had stopped sitting at home waiting for her to call. He told me he has feelings for me but he wanted me to know what I am up against. Is he nuts? How long does someone wait? I told him she's pulling his chain and she's not going to leave. I'd like someone's input.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): I'm afraid to say that he's making this your problem and it really really shouldn't be. You are filling time for him while he waits for this married woman. You are right that she isn't going to ditch her husband after 8 years of this ridiculous affair - but I wonder if she is starting to say 'positive' things to him because he has you and the attention she could click her fingers and get has reduced signigicantly since you've been on the scene? What matters is that you are being mucked about and why on earth should you be pointing out the obvious to this grown man? Walk away as I think you'll be doing yourself and your man a favour.
A
female
reader, Ssmit  +, writes (29 September 2007):
It seems that you really love this man but he's treating you disrespectful. He has to choose but maybe he can't at the moment. Than you have to decide if you want to be with a man who is waiting for someone else. He can't expect you to wait. Take care of yourself and give yourself a new chance.
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A
female
reader, bewitch66 +, writes (29 September 2007):
 I agree with the other posts..this guy cannot have feelings for u if he is saying this and has waited this long to tell..unless he is using it as an excuse? I would think u need to get away from him...u deserve better hun. Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): You are involved with a guy who has issues, he is a bit nuts to be "in love" with a married woman for 8 years and waiting on her...he doesn't love himself so he can't love you....he is damaged and you aren't going to fix him.
His actions are more than disrespectful to you, he is emotionally unavailable, he is not boyfriend material let alone friend material....you are wasting your time here and that is all you should be caring about...things are not wonderful, I doubt you really have that much in common, he probably has been telling you what he thinks you want to hear to keep you around, and now all of a sudden his anxiety is kicking in because he is being thrown a bone by his imaginary woman......which is what he is, she lives out of town and has been stringing him along for 8 years while married to someone else....this guy is not healthy and is incabable of a relationship......with you or anyone else in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): At the moment, he's biding his time with you until she leaves her husband. The moment she does, you're history -- he's pretty much laid that straight out for you.
The issue isn't whether she will leave her husband or not - the issue is whether you really want to be in a relationship where he WOULD give you the flick the moment she clicks her fingers. Instead, don't you think you deserve a man that wakes up every morning thinking how lucky he is to have you in his life?!
Leave him... let him waste his life waiting for her [he'll probably be waiting forever, but serves him right!], and you move on to bigger & better things!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 September 2007):
 Leave him. Why do you think you deserve to stay with someone who is waiting to see what someone else is doing. This is what you're up against. I'd tell him this is what you're up against, goodbye, hope it works out with the married woman.
You don't wait, you leave. You deserve better. You deserve to be first in line not competing, and it is absolutely wrong for him to expect you to hang on and wait. As long as you stay and are willing to wait and play his game is how long he's going to take advantage of it every moment he can. His actions are disrespectful. This is not someone I'd choose to have a relationship with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): He told you because he wanted you to know what you're up against? What the hell is he thinking? It's a competition? No, she probably will not leave her husband but I don't think she is the issue here. I think he is unrealistic, and if he won't move on after 8 years and after being in a relationship with someone else, I don't think he really knows what he wants in life. But what he basically told you was that if she decides to leave her husband for him, he'll dump you fast. So I would cut him off at the path & dump him because he sounds like he has no respect for you or your relationship.
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