A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been single for the past month, recently broke up with my cheating boyfriend. I get lonely from time to time, wanting to feel loved again, you know, all those cuddles, kisses, hugs, etc. I miss all that and sometimes I'm very grateful that I'm single because nobody tells me what to do and dont have to worry about anything whenn i am out with my friends but I get lonely most of the time. And I'm wondering how Long it takes to actually find the right guy and I've been with the wrong guys since I turned 20 and because of them I've lost hope, I feel like I've given up on love. I'm currently in college, left my (ex) bf as soon as I found out he cheated. And I'm worried he will move on before I do, he'll be happy and find love before me. I don't know how I'm going to meet anyone while I'm in college because I'm so quiet and really shy and rather not talk or try to make friends. I don't know what to do, I lost hope.
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broke up, move on, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (7 October 2012):
You are better off without a cheat. The truth is that there’s no answer to your question, some people find the right person first time around whilst others wait years. Think about it: you’re only talking about 1 special person out of a huge crowd, there’s bound to be quite a bit of good luck involved if you find some-one when you’re very young. Don’t give up hope, but equally don’t put yourself under unnecessary pressure by rushing to find the right man by a certain point in time. The best relationships often start from a firm friendship, so concentrate on building strong friendships and finding fulfilment in these. Widen your circle as much as you can, and just concentrate on learning to feel confident around guys. You might later on want to tell some-one if you have feelings for them if you’ve gotten to know them and believe there might be a chance. One final thought: would you consider trying on-line dating? It’s vital that you follow all common sense safety precautions but so long as you do, it can be a great way to meet people because you get to specify what you’re looking for and filter people out on that basis before any introductions so it can help you focus in on the type of person you’re looking for and connect you to like-minded people, who you’ll know something about before you meet in person. But don’t be at all anxious about being single at your young age or having not met the right person yet. He hasn’t walked past you with a banner proclaiming himself to be your MR Right, it’s hard finding that some-one.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, cocochanel27  +, writes (7 October 2012):
Being single is not necessarily a bad thing. Relationships take a lot of work, and you have to decide or you ready to do this again. Finding the right guy takes time, you should never put a time on things, let it happen naturally. You are fairly young so, you still have time to find the right one. You should just enjoy life, and continue to stay focus on school. Being in college, you are surrounded by guys, some good, some bad. You should just remain true to yourself and let the right guy come to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): Honestley that is such a heartbreak to hear, But as has been told "you got to kiss so many frogs to finally kiss the one that will turn into a prince" its a saying that love might sometimes take so many trys till you find the right one for you. He will come by when you least expect it. You might have already met him in a way or seen him around but time is doing its thing. All those heartbreaks are good in the end because it maade you abetter person now. Youve matured and arent so naive of falling for some one stupid. I think this next chance will be a good thing. You have to beleive in YOU. Live your life now, and you're bound into finding him...in other words he will find YOU right now he might be thinking so many disapointments where is the girl that i have always longed for? well for starters you exist all you have to do is take it one step at a time.. I wish you best of luck (:
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): I personnally don't think a reason to be with someone should be due to loneliness. That the worst way to get into a relationship. It wouldn't be bc you care for the other, or even bc the other cares for you, simply for the physical aspects a relationship brings.I've always believed that this type of loneliness is very easy to spot, especially from players, they can smell from a mile away and will take advantage of that. That could explain why you've only been with the wrong guys. They see someone who wants affection badly and POUNCE!Enjoy being single for now and don't always be looking around to meet someone; sometimes love finds US and takes us by surprise. It may sound cliche, but aren't cliches very common?And another thing, it seems what you miss the most about having a bf is how he would make YOU feel. And it sounds a bit selfish to me...it's sometimes better to think about what you can give, the love and affection and respect you can give to a lover rather than take --of course, provided your needs are being met. And why do you care if your ex finds someone before you? it isn't a competition. it should never be a competition. Again, that sounds selfish. It's almost as thouhg you only want to be the one happy and in love and the others can go to hell. So what if he moves on? So what if he finds someone else? Though he hurt you...be the bigger person and wish him and his potential gfs good luck.
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A
female
reader, Penny04 +, writes (6 October 2012):
Hey
Just try and keep yourself busy doing things you love and try taking your mind off it. Don't expect to move on from this lonely feeling so easily, healing takes time. Enjoy your singlehood! Come on, it's ok to miss all those things in the rel and live for YOURSELF once. Be glad you finally got rid of garbage in your life. Trust me, you'll look back someday and realize how positive your is. Meet new people, party, don't keep yourself and your feelings bottled up like this. Get rid off this fear that you'll never find love again. You definitely will find a much better, healthy rel that you deserve. Be positive about life and keep these negative emotions away from you. You've had enough! Time to celebrate. :)
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