A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First of all i want to say this post is really long. The predicament i am facing is something i thought i would never have to go through. But I was wrong. So what does my guy friend mean when he tells a friend of mine that he liked me several years ago but he moved on. But he adds that it is complicated. We have known each other since high school and our age is now above 21. How long can someone's feelings lasts without ever mentioning anything to the person they like. I know I'm a special friend to him but in what way? I feel hurt right now because he has never said anything to me but others. I feel hurt because I really like him now but he seems to ignore that. I understand a persons emotions can be poison especially if you cannot tell the person and you go on building your feelings until they are so strong that you end up getting hurt emotionally. He was hurting and possibly still hurts. I just sense that. But if he has gotten rid of his feelings why should it even be complicated?? Sigh. I always missed him whether before or after I developed romantic feelings for him. I'm just afraid it may be too late to tell him how I feel at this point. It is a fact that I never had these feelings at the beginning when we became friends, but right now shouldn't the present be more important? I do need to make sure he is not seeing/dating anyone right now before I say something. I just wish it is not this difficult. We are friends and the friendship is what neither of us want to change. If I don't ever say anything it would forever be in my heart and become something that is unclear to me. But would it be too selfish to consider how I feel and how he feels(that is if his feelings towards me still remains) It would be such a wonderful thing if he always had a special place for me in his heart all this time. And if he is able to forgive me looking past a great person like him I would be so happy. The only big issue between us that may be the complication for him are our cultures. I want to stay positive and think that a solution will find its way into them and is possible. But he may be very concerned about it. Although he told me once that he would date anyone regardless of their ethnicity. So I'm a little confused there. Its not that I will not be happy just being his special friend. I just don't want hidden emotions to continue in the friendship. The more I write the more I will just say. So thank you for reading. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 Uhm. If he is very concerned about the difference between your cultures, but he says " he would date anybody regardless of their ethnicity " - quite probably he is adding a mental proviso like " BUT I would never marry them or make a future with them ".
Maybe this could be the reason why he had feelings for you in the past, and with all the time and the mean to let them known to you, yet he never did. He knew nothing permanent would come out of it and he did not want to lead you on.
Anyway, that's all speculation. I must say I don't see the situation as particularly promising- romantic feelings- crushes in fact - do come and go , and if he says he's moved on... nevertheless, I've get the feeling this thing will keep gnawing at you if you don't spit it out, and maybe you are the type who'd go on for years with " what ifs.." and would put her life on hold indefinitely. So, might as well be brave, bite the bullet and talk to him.
You are right in that that what counts it's the present, so if NOW you have feelings for him he should not hold against you the fact that you weren't in love with him before !. But, only do that a) if you know for sure he is single and b) if you 'd be honestly able to step back again without drama or resentment to the role of " just friends " in case that's all he wants from you.
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