A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I really feel very curious,if Im alone with my problem,or there are others out there suffering like me.So long story short, Im very attractive , and I live in a marriage, but I have no sex, or affection at all at the last 6 years. Its unbelievable to anyone who hears my story, and can't understand it, how am I dealing with this. So me and my husband married 26 years ago. And we had the best sex life you can have. But one day, he lost his erection while having sex, and never really got it back. It was all very sudden. Like a magic spell. With this he lost his desire, and never cared for my naked body anymore. Almost like a new person in my bedroom. He was very sexual, and affectionate before.Now, he went to many medical investigations, and he is perfectly healthy. I dont know what to do, . Is there any chance that a man does not know, why is he impotent, and does not thinks of sex ever? Is it really possible? Please help me with this, as I dont know what to do. Thanks very much, for reading .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): Dear anonymous ,
Have tried this supplements yourself, and did they work for you? I guess depression can have many forms. Maybe some manifests in sexual dysfunction. I don't know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): Could be a big reduction in dopamine receptors. This is one of the most difficult things to correct, if at all. Any attempt to increase dopamine levels will be met with further reduction in receptors, so doing that is not a good idea. 50mg to 500mg CDP-choline per day may help to increase these receptors. Apparently it can be taken for a long time and it won't stop working. Another supplement is magnesium glycinate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): Dear so very confused!
Thanks for your great answer. It feels wonderful, that you care. My big pain is , that it is not clear why he is having this issue, as he is telling me, that he loves me , and its not me. So it is hard to leave him, when he is kind to me in some way....And his testosterone is perfect, and he even tried to get some extra T so he would be sure . But the doctors never suspected, that it would be his health in any ways. So far it is a medical, and a psychological mystery. Im very grateful for answers.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 November 2012):
 its not hard to believe... if he does not have LOW-T (and that is VERY common and a huge cause of lack of libido) then it's in his head.... and he needs counseling.
my bet is he won't go.... (otherwise he would have tried everything to fix this)
I'm sensing he is ok with the relationship the way it is.
if you are not happy you have several options that I can suggest...
1. learn to deal witb it the way it is... (not what i would do)
2. make him go to counseling and get another work up specifically for lack of sex drive (which is NOT normal especially in someone who HAD a drive... and now does not. It is clearly an indication of something wrong... and tough this out while he works on it...
3. tell him you are not happy and if he is not going to do what is suggested (therapy and another medical work up specific to loss of sex drive) then you need permission to take a lover to satisfy you (unless he's willing to step up to the plate and find OTHER ways to please you)
or
4. divorce him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): Dear anonymous,
Sorry about the misunderstanding, about a few things. First, no he didn't just go to the doctors now. He went 6 years ago first, and since than he saw everyone in this field, who could not diagnose him.
The other thing is ,it is not only his erection what is gone, but his desire for any sex.
He went to see, GP, UROLOGIST, SEX THERAPIST,HORMON SPECIALISTS, ETC,. They had no answers yet.
As the drugs like viagra etc does not work someone who does not have sexual desire.
I hope it is more understandable now for you, that why am I so panicked. If you still have an idea, please let me know. As for reading an article, you have sent is, done already many times. There is nothing new in those. Actually he is a very healthy guy, never smoke, do drugs or drink. I know its hard to believe it. Thanks for answering.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 November 2012):
I agree with the previous poster.
does he drink alcohol or caffeine both can affect erections.
Does he smoke? that too can affect erections.
Erections are all about blood flow... beta blockers, HBP pills, and many other things can cause erections problems.
Low-T is very common in men.. it affects moods, sexual function and desire and many other things... has he had a hormonal work up? has he been to a urologist? has he had his prostate exam?
Now on to the other issues... once it's determined that his ED is NOT physical (had he tried Viagra and such?) then you need to accept that it's mental.... and address the lack of affection in the marriage...
my husband is not big on intercourse... but he's HUGE on affection and love... so while I don't get sex very often EVERY day I get cuddles and kisses and holding and loving and hugging and being told i rock his world. I can deal with giving myself orgasms because I get the necessary affection and attention a man should provide his wife.
IF he's not feeling sexual is he still not affectionate either? they are two different things... maybe he does not get affectionate because he's afraid you will push him for sex?
is he into giving or getting oral sex? Because to be honest intercourse is not the be all to end all....
if he thinks that all his sexual function is in his penis then he's mistaken. The biggest sexual organ we have is between our ears... maybe he needs some form of counseling...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): This happens a lot when men reach their 40's and beyond. He may not have handled it well at the time and hasn't recovered from "losing his manhood". I am a bit amazed you guys have let this go on for six years.
Now, you say he's been to the doctor...what kind of doctor? Just because he is healthy, how is he healthy? Has he had his testosterone levels checked? Has he specifically gone to his doctor and discussed Erectile Disfunction? There are about three reputable ED drugs on the market that do work. This is something you can do together if he is uncomfortable doing it alone.
Below is a link to what I feel will give you and anyone a wealth of information, where to start and where to go from here...your husband should read this too.
http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/erectile-dysfunction-overview-facts
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