A
male
age
51-59,
*hristopher422
writes:Hello, I recently backed out of an affair with a married woman at work ( you might have seen the post, and thanks to all those that helped )I was wondering something? towards the end there i couldnt stop thinking about her, really strong feelings. Now im going through the aftermath of my decision at work (being that i work very closely with her) She is very stand-offish now, matter of fact if i didnt know any better i would think she seems a little pissed off.My feelings for her are fading, rather quikly and i decided that i hadnt fallen in love with her but had fallen in lust/desire with her. My question is this, if lust/desire can make a person think about someone constantly,desire to be around them, basically turn your world up-side down, how is "being in love" different from lust/desire?these feelings i have had for her are less every day and im betting in a week or two ill feel like my old self again, but man, things are strange at work, very stressed.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mitta  +, writes (14 June 2009):
It sounds like you were 'infatuated' with her. Infatuation is where you have strong feelings for someone, but they are based more on sex, desire and fantasy.
Being in love is far more deep. It lasts longer and is based more on emotions, your love for that person, rather than just loving how they make you feel as with infatuation.
As you ended your affair with this woman, it had obviously stopped being very fulfilling, she had stopped making you feel a certain way and because of this the feelings soon started to fade.
Love and infatuation can feel alot the same in the beginning, that same heady rush of endorphins and butterflies in the tummy... but if you truly loved her, you would be in pieces when it ended.
I know it sounds cliche, but when you are truly in love with someone, you just know.
Hope this helps!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): Making love is something you do with a woman you have a genuine affection for and sex is just for pleasure and can pretty much be done with anyone.
You don't lust after a loved one. If you're just after sex, you can just buy that. Besides, she's married and her sexual attractiveness may not be worth it. Your feelings are fading away anyhow so just take it easy. You shouldn't give up your everyday life just for sex. If it's someone you want to live with forever, then it's understandable, but otherwise, get over it.
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