A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'm about to get married in August. I'm 22, he's 26 and we've been together for 3.5 years. He's my very best friend, he's going to be a great father to my future babies and he makes me very happy. Not to mention, he's great in the sack! Okay, TMI there but....Anyhow, what I guess I'm asking is how is a marriage supposed to feel after the wedding happens? I'm just trying to anticipate what our our future holds (all though I realize that all futures work out differently). Will our relationship settle into this "best friends who have sex and raise children" place or should the marriage continue to be hot and spicy, feeling passionate towards each other, etc. (or if that's just if you're lucky?).Obviously, I've never been married before so I'm just making sure that I have a realistic view of what to expect. He's just great, I can't wait to marry him, I just want to know what to expect (I think I'm an overthinker).
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 April 2009):
 After we are married, will we be:
a) Best friends who have sex
b) Best friends who raise children
c) Feel passion towards each other
or
d) All of the above?
D. You can have all of these things.
Well, I think you have gotten some good advice here. Taking a marriage course will help you have some realistic expectations with regards to your communication skills together and that is the most important thing.
I think you need to be aware that a lot of this is going to come down to your own expectations and the relationship that you have built between the two of you, which is a constantly evolving, ongoing project!
That's what marriage is! Is isn't the end result, it's the beginning of the journey. There is a reason why wedding vows say "For Better, For Worse, For Richer, For Poorer, In Sickness and In Health". Most people have been watching fairy tales and expect the happily-ever-after ending, but most people are going to have a lot of different highs and lows throughout the course of their lives, no life is going to be all rainbows. That's why you want someone who is going to promise to be by your side through the bad times, because the good times are easy! The single most important thing to realize in marrying someone is that you are promising to love them through everything, no matter what.
And you can expect that there are going to be times when you are exactly thrilled that you got married and that you will question why you did or who you married. It's normal in the bad times, it's human and you shouldn't kick yourself when you do, but remember that you took vows with this person and Do the Right Thing.
Suffice to say, I've been married 31 years and my husband is still the best looking guy in the room to me, and we still have a great sex life, as gross as that might sound to a 22 year old. I thought that might be part of what you were wondering. Yes, it is still possible to have that spark and still love your husband. Maybe even more. Because after years of staying together and raising our babies into adults, we have so much more together than we did when we were just nervous newlyweds. We have a lifetime and the promise of weddings and grandchildren to come (from my lips to God's ears).
Hoping this mushy drivel from an old fogey gave you some answers. God Bless You and Your Marriage, Hunnie. XXX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): No one can predict what your future is going to be like...you can be together forever, or you can be in divorce court next August! No one knows that! You and your fiance hold the key to that! Relationships are hard work. It takes two to make it work! You say he is your best friend...that's a good place to start. Don't forget that in the future when he leaves the toilet seat up, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste...or when he is having a bad day, and snaps at you unfairly! Remember, even best friends have differences!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): my dear marriage is a very different life then what people make it out to be. I think it will be good for a while, then he will most likely change. Im not saying for the bad. there will be ups and downs and love, communication, and compromise will make it last. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY.
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