A
female
age
36-40,
*ittle miss k
writes:Hi I'm looking for some advice. My story is a little long winded!My boyfriend and I had been together for a few months shy of a year when suddenly he ended things. His reason being he felt panicked as he is turning 30 (I'm 25) and that he is not ready for marriage and kids etc.The whole thing took me by surprise as I had never spoke about kids marriage as I am not sure if these are things I want. I soon realised the battle was with himself. He was unhappy with his work and I always knew he felt like a failure in comparison to his friends who all have stead careers etc. So we split for a few months. I decided to leave him alone get to grips with his feelings as I knew I wanted to be with him and large commitments like marriage was not something I had thought about.So we long story short we ended up back together. During the break up this word love kept creeping up, he said he was not sure if he loved me and felt pressured because he felt he should. Having never been in love I was unsure how I was meant to feel and can honestly say I didn't know either but that I knew I cared for him so much and was happy with him and never felt what we had, had to have a title or label.However recently I have been feeling a little low my best friend recently died of cancer which has left me a little reflective on life and my own situation' and suddenly I felt angry that he hadn't said it. I told him things were not right (which I don't even believe) because he hadn't said he loved me.He told me that maybe he does but that he can't say it. He told me he is not wasting my time in this relationship and that he is happy.he explained that the next time he feels like things are not right he will tell me, but that there won't be a next time.I have read a lot of posts on this subject and valued everyone's opinion! So my question is after all that.....if a man can't say 'i love you' does that mean he doesn't and there is no future?
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female
reader, Little miss k +, writes (4 January 2010):
Little miss k is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys I know I will need to be patient and remember actions speak louder than words and when his actions show me he doesn't love me we obviously need to talk! Thanks for letting me rabbit on it feels easier saying to people you don't know for some reason!
Ps sorry about the bad typing! Touch screen is a nightmare
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 January 2010):
I know it is. We men are complicated. But trust me, if he's showing you he loves you, then he loves you. He probably just finds it difficult to say, that's all. Have patience because he will.
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A
female
reader, Little miss k +, writes (4 January 2010):
Little miss k is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis saying actions speak louder than word has me confused! When we were getting back everyone said his actions will speak louder ie he needs to show you he wants you not just through words.
So I looked at his actions, I can honestly say he is the best boyfriend and one of the best men I know. He treats me so well and we get on like a house on fire! I do trust him even tho it has taken a little longer but when he says he won't just up and leave I believe him.
He once told me when we were out that he loved me. We were both drunk and he said I have something to tell you "I love you" but in a drunken way! Iasked is he saying in a drunken easy because he can't say it normally and he said yes, we have not spoken about it since.
I know that he told an ex he loved her and hurt him really badly! U asked why could he tell her and not me. He said that that's wasn't love as it was so unhealthy'. I know when we split up he was miserable and struggling
I don't know if I need to hear it it was ne'er an issue until the break up! It's a little confusing!
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 CaringGuy is absolutely correct, actions always speak louder than words. Words are nice but mean nothing when the actions say otherwise.
This man left you once because he 'panicked.' Whether it's a problem he has with himself or the whole relationship, we don't know. What you need to do is think carefully what you want in life and ask yourself if you think he can give you that. Don't hang around waiting for someone who seems confused and not sure what he wants. You need to be with a man who is sure he wants you. If you're not, you risk being left alone again when he panicks or perhaps finds someone who he's really sure about.
Whatever you do, think of yourself first...ask yourself if he can give you what you want.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Rebecca589  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 I love you are three little words that are so often abused, but the ones we need to hear from our partners to have a healthy relationship. If he can't say the words then he dosent know if he loves you, if he dosent know after all this time he may never and he may never really love you. I would say you have some thinking and evaluating to do. Are you ok with living with the things are now, or not? The answer really lies within you, how do you really deep down in your heart feel about it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 January 2010):
The words mean nothing unless the actions also show he loves you. If he was showing you he loves you, then it wouldn't so bad. But he's not even really showing it to be honest. I think you do need to end this, because if he isn't sure and is having his own problems, then you might end up being strung along.
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