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anonymous
writes:How important is being true to yourself when it brings you pain, for example when it means being in love with someone who says they don't want you?Is it fair to be with someone, knowing that you love another?I split up with a girlfriend of five and a half years and started seeing someone else who I became very interested in. She rejected me three months ago and I still want her. I've moved on and started seeing someone else five weeks ago, and occasionally I've been overwhelmed by her beauty and when my conscience has told me to tell her I love her, I have. At other times though, I can find her uninteresting and unalluring. I feel more desire for my ex however and an even stronger bond with my ex ex. My ex ex often had a knack of knowing exactly what I wanted and needed even before I did and I think that's what I'm missing now.I know there are plenty more fish in the sea but if one continually takes that attitude one can't hope to find the one fish that's right for them. We only get one life. Is it worth pursuing what you really want, even when that love doesn't want you? Or are you better served building up what you have now, even if you're having doubts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all. 19agegap, yes I do want the stuff I don't have and I guess when we're in love, that doesn't happen. I also guess there will always be stuff we don't have. I used to believe that when I found "the one" she'd be everything I dreamed of and more but I no longer think it works like that. So when you suggest making a list of qualities Smiles, are you talking about your true love being able to tick evry one of the boxes and then some, or are you talking about your true love being able to tick a decent number? Decent number still sounds insufficient!
I think youwillhateme is right when he says be honest.
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reader, jay12toes  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 a person should always strive to make themselves better, but that is a better version of you not a carbon copy of an angel. if she dousnt want you now, well you can try to improve yourself but you dont want to change who you are just so she will like you. also if you love the one your with... then love the one your with, get your mind where it belongs. figure out whats a possibility and then figure out what you want.
if you cant have #1 then dont tell yourself thats what you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Breaking up after 5 years cannot be easy. Take time and allow the healing to take place. I do not think you should rush into any relationship so soon, and suggest you try not to compare others with your ex. Value them for who they are, find there good qualities, and ask yourself why you want to be with them, what do you like about them? Make a list of things you are looking for in a partner and see how they compare to what you are looking for. Never settle for less then what you want, keep looking you will find the "right" person. But Let go of the past, or you will never be ready to move on with a new relationship. Good luck!
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reader, youwillhateme +, writes (6 June 2008):
no, it is not fair to be with someone, when you are in love with someone else, it will never work !
you need time to sort your head out, and get over this other girl.
its also not fair on the new girl, if she falls in love with you, then in a few months you decide you still love this other girl, how is she gonna feel, devastated !
its fairer to tell her the truth and tell her you need time to sort your head out :)
good luck
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reader, 19agegap +, writes (6 June 2008):
u just want the stuff you don't have
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