A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This afternoon I went on my first date with this guy I met online about a week ago.He seems like a really good person, we have some important things in common and physically I think he's good-looking (though the latter is least important to me.) I could tell he was into me and even if I hadn't picked up on that, he texted me later this evening to say we should go out again soon. Straightforward, which I appreciate... I'm used to guys playing it cool and waiting a day or three to contact me.So here's the thing: the date went fine, but I didn't feel much chemistry with this guy. In other words, no "spark." I don't know why that is. Like I said, he seems like a genuinely good guy, and I'd LIKE to like him :)I've never gotten involved with someone without feeling chemistry with that person, and whatever the reason, it's definitely not there so far. How important is that "spark"? Do I go on another date(s) with him and see if I feel differently? I don't want to lead him on while I try to figure this out, but I also hate to write him off just because we didn't click instantly. Please help :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): Aunts, thank you very much for the kind advice :)We actually didn't talk too much online before meeting so I don't know if it's so much a case of expectations vs. reality.I've given it some more thought and I think maybe our different backgrounds are part of the issue... if I were to stereotype us, I'm a hippie chick and he's a bit of a redneck. Like I said, we have a lot in common, but there were a couple things he said where I was thinking "Huh?" and couldn't relate at all.I think he is a really good guy but I'm having trouble picturing us in a relationship. That said, I think I'll give it another shot and see what happens
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (23 January 2013):
Hi there. You met this guy online one week ago, but did you chat online with him for one week every day before you went out on your first date?
There is always a certain perception of mystery when you only talk to someone without seeing them face to face.
So then you conjure up some kind of idea in your head about how you imagine them to look.
So when you DO get to meet that person finally, it will often be that they won't match up to what you imagined them to look like before you met.
And this can no doubt, be somewhat of a disappointment.
However, as you have also said here, you need to give him a real chance.
You can get to know someone in a very limited way online, and the real "getting to know you" part, is when you eventually meet in person.
You have gone out once together, and got along fairly well - even if for you there was no spark then.
Don't lose heart though, that time could still come.
A few days of not seeing each other before your next date, could well change those thoughts you have of him, between now and then.
You had chatted a few times prior to that first date, and you felt at least good enough about your chats to venture out and make that first date with him, and so that's something, isn't it?
And it's a good start, anyway.
I'd say that yes, you should go out with him whenever he calls you to ask you out again.
What I do suggest though, is that you don't compare how you feel now, with the mystery of how you felt when you were only chatting online.
There really is no comparison between the two, not once you have met.
Now is the reality.
He is still the same guy you chatted to one week ago, it's just that now you can put a face to all those chats with him, so it finally becomes real.
Just give it time, and let him prove himself to you and that he is worthy of you - and likewise for you.
You will find that it could take a couple of weeks of regular dating, before you really start to have some feelings for him that are have some sparks to them.
Just be patient, and don't expect too much too soon.
Good things do take time.
You like him, and that's a pretty good start.
Also, you have said he is good looking, so that depends on if it's the type of "good looking" that you are attracted to the most.
Looks do come into it at least partly, anyway.
The rest is the personality, sense of humour, kindness, warmth, consideration, generosity, and lifestyle similarities.
So have faith, and don't give up on him just yet.
You might be pleasantly surprised by the new developments.
All the best.
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