A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Before all the feminazi's here jump on me this is what happened exactly. Their were no assumptions on my part or misinterpretations on my end. She lied to me and misrepresented herself as to not to lose me and put herself in a bad light. This was not an excuse for me to cheat or move on. I am a male who was lied to about my wife's sexual past. She also gave me an STD. I was annoyed and hurt by all this. I was hurt not because I was jealous of all these guys (because I was not) I was hurt because she lied to me. She wronged me and wronged our relationship. I let it slide but then I didn't. I figured our relationship was going to die a slow death because of the festering feelings but I wanted to wait and see what would happen.As time went on all these bad feelings started getting worse in me until one night I had a few drinks and basically destroyed and crushed her by getting every bad feeling/thought out of my system. It was just verbal but I am sure it hurt like daggers. She was crying for 5 hours and throughout the next day. I figured if it is over at least she knows how I felt.I expected her to leave the next morning which was fine with me, but she didn't. She felt remorse and bad about the lying and misleading me and for the STD. Also something funny happened to me, I got every iota of bad feelings out of me and I felt empty and good. I could not say any thing else that I had not already said. There was nothing more to say going forward. I felt great which was weird.This situation actually made us stronger and more open to each other. The truth came out and we were able to talk through it as opposed to dodging it. Our friendship grew stronger and so had our relationship. I think that those on this site who have retroactive jealousy or have serious trust issues with their SO should use this guide as a model but obviously not to this extreme. Get all your bad feelings and thoughts out at one time so they don't fester and linger. To the SO tell your mate the truth about your past. The past is the past but it makes you who you are today. Surprises down the road are bad and can harm something good. Either way if they really love you then you can work through it, move forward and be stronger in the long run. There is also the possibility that you will break up but that is also a good outcome because it will be quick and fast.My 2 cents to this forum......
View related questions:
crush, jealous, move on, sexual past, std Reply to this Article
Share |
You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 March 2015):
 Sigh. That's how I solved relationship problems too. Although mine was not about retroactive jealousy. It sucks to bottle up anger and let issues fester. I think people who really love you would allow the honest, no-holding-back emotional catharsis, but only on rare occasions though. I thought the exact same thing, that break up would result but it didn't. I was so angry that I didn't care if there's a break up. That's how I know if what I have is true love.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 March 2015):
 This is fantastic.
A really positive approach and a determination to put it behind you.
I applaud your strength and your direct no nonsense approach.
While not condoning verbal violence you also felt violated. Your purged yourself and cleansed and healed your inner man of every bad feeling you had endured and suffered - using a VERBAL only approach.
Psychologically that would have been a massive onslaught you poured out for her to hear and endure
Yet there must have been some real strength in your relationship because she reacted and then saw things from your perspective and she came to realize how much pain you had endured.
She did not want the relationship to end
I wish you and her the Best in the future.
...............................
|
