A
male
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anonymous
writes:Hi there I’m 32 yr old guy from the UK and just starting dating a girl who’s 26. We’ve had 2 dates so far and both have gone well. First date was a quiet drink in a bar, and then the next has been a walk in the countryside followed by Sunday lunch. Both times the conversation has been flowing freely, she’s said that she enjoyed out time and is interested in meeting up again. However the intimacy isn’t there yet and either is the flirting. I try to flirt but she doesn’t really respond to it, and both times we have met she has shied away form giving me a kiss hello and goodnight, even a peck on the cheek! I’m a bit rusty on the old dating seen but I really want to progress our dating to the next level as I quite like her and don’t want to be trapped in the ‘just friends’ zone. Even if it’s to the holding hands/kiss good night stage at least! It's as if I need to somehow break through her shell a bit to make her relax. Either that or she’s just not really that interested in me. My next date is a game of squash tomorrow evening, and then to a comedy club night on Saturday. I’m hoping a few alcoholic drinks may help her do this.Any ideas on how I can try to progress intimately with her without coming across as too forward?I feel if I try to hold her hand randomly she might feel uncomfortable and I might blow the whole thing. Or maybe I should ask her if she likes me intimately as I don’t want to be wasting my time? Any advice would be great. Thanks ;-)
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alcoholic, flirt, shy, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): I'm the previous anonymous poster. Of course, the man too has a right to decide he wants to take thing slow and the woman has to respect that. In that way, men and women are indeed equal. But if a woman wants to take it slow and the man is impatient, there are only two things a man can do: respect her wishes or not. And not respecting her wishes means forcing her into things she doesn't want. And that could lead you to jail. So, there, that is why this can't be an equal thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): I agree with you...men should have a say in how the relationship progresses. But I have to admit, the scenario you're describing is one of the reasons I'm terrified of trying online dating. Intimacy online and in real life are two completely different things.In my opinion, 2 dates isn't much time to build an intimate relationship so I'm not surprised there are awkward patches. And for a lot of women, 2 dates is too soon to have sex. A lot of women have their guards up higher for online dates and this could be why she comes off as shy. It's hard to tell if the other person is using the online service to find a loving and intimate relationships (as you described your personal ideal) or if they are using it to find easy sex. The latter happens A LOT. So, you might want to ease up with the flirting...she might just not be convinced of your true intentions. If you want to put in the time and leg work, I would suggest having a couple more dates where you don't flirt aggressivley. Get to know her and talk about her day to day life and her interests. Then I would invite her on a more intimate date in your home...for instance, invite her over for dinner. I would chat with her after dinner, keep the flirting light and ask her to spend the evening with you...if she refuses, you have your answer. I however I have been a sucker for this tactic.Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA Reply to the anonymous reader. Thanks for your advice but don’t you think that answer is a little disrespectful to men. Anyone else agree with me here?1) Why should a woman ALWAYS be the one who decides how fast the relationship is progressing? Why shouldn’t this be an equal thing?2) We met on a dating site which is supposed to be about meeting for dating/ intimate relationships not just friendships. So surely this is not unreasonable to expect the girl to be looking for the same thing, and if not should tell me?3) And no, I'm not after sex I actually want a loving relationship, s o don’t you think if I waited and she told me that she did not like me that it would be a total waste of my time?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA Reply to the anonymous reader. Thanks for your advice but don’t you think that answer is a little disrespectful to men. Anyone else agree with me here?1) Why should a woman ALWAYS be the one who decides how fast the relationship is progressing? Why shouldn’t this be an equal thing?2) We met on a dating site which is supposed to be about meeting for dating/ intimate relationships not just friendships. So surely this is not unreasonable to expect the girl to be looking for the same thing, and if not should tell me?3) And no, I'm not after sex I actually want a loving relationship, s o don’t you think if I waited and she told me that she did not like me that it would be a total waste of my time?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): I'm sorry, but there is nothing you can do but respect her boundaries. The woman is ALWAYS the one who decides how fast the relationship is progressing. Are you just trying to get laid or are you really interested in this girl? If you really wanted to get to know her and were interested in her as a person, waiting as long as it takes wouldn't be a problem. There are many couples out there who spent years together before becoming intimate. And you are complaining after only two dates? Two dates! Really?
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A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (30 March 2011):
ooooooh ya shy girls are fun. there is soooo much emotion built up inside of them. sooooo how about you do this? you are able to text her or call her right? right at this moment or when ever your going to set up your next date tell her you have this crazy idea for a game and ask if shed be willing to play. so she will most likely ask what it is. this is when you say ill give you a hint or 2 a day. so this is the "game" what you have to do is show how you would start off with the kiss and what you would do by only using your finger tips. also you are only allowed to touch with your finger tips from the neck up. get what im saying so far? now you can get as close as you want but the goal is you cannot kiss her you want her to kiss you. also make sure that she goes first but dont kiss her. next it will be your turn so make sure you know how to touch and what spots get women going. do a good job and you will have alot of fun
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