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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi, I was wondering - how fast is too fast? I'm 16 and I met a guy my age the other day and we really hit it off, we got on really well. We ended up making out pretty intensly in a park. He did start undoing my jeans but stopped when I stopped him and apologised for being too full on. He also asked to see me again. He was so sweet to me though, but is he now going to think I'm a complete whore for letting him even go that far the first day I ever met him!? Could some teenage guys (and anyone else) give me their opinion on how far you'd find normal for a girl to let you go with her first time? I really like this guy and I can see us getting together so long as he doesn't now think I'm a slut.Cheers :p Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): So am I. Whoppie....... I love Happy endings. Take care of you babes, hope it works out ok for you. Thanks for the update.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the nice and helpful responses! He called me a few days later and now we are a couple :D Thought I'd letcha know, because there ain't enough happy endings on this site! Anyway I'M SO HAPPY!!! :D:D:D xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): The slower you take it the more respect he will have for you. Because things were so heated the first time, your going to have to pull all the way back, and limit your intimacy with him to kisses only. I hope he likes you a lot and is not only there for the sex. You need to show him that even though you were taken away by passion, it's not something you usually do. Keep it to kisses for a least a month, get to know him and then see how you feel from there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): When you feel you have a bond, a connection, that he will be there for you and your for him a year or more from now, then, and slowly, you can move into the direction of considering to have sex. This could take 1 month or more, with spending half of your free time with him, talking and doing things together like a partner.
As stated, you offer it, and guys will take it. Problem is, it will take time to learn what type of a person your are, how you will act or react in different life situations. If you fail one of these, the relationship can be over. If it is about having sex that your being measured, then he failed and your should move on without him. Sex should come after you have a trust and bond, otherwise, it is acquaintance/friend with benefits.
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male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (15 May 2008):
 Most boys will go as far as you let them go. Rules and respect don't enter into it, so it's up to you to set the limits.
From a purely practical (and cynical) point of view, may I suggest you make him work very hard for anything and everything. He's "hooked", obviously, so now you make sure he always has something more to try for - and making him try very hard to get not very much will keep his interest going while he gets to know you better. It's an old-fashioned technique, but it still works. My daughter told me :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): When you feel ready is always the right answer. He has no right to think you are a slut, as he tried to undo your jeans first. All I can say is be careful, enjoy a few dates and see where things go, and again, whenever you are ready is the right time, never be pushed into things you dont want to do, and never confuse sex for love... good luck x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): The longer you can go without having sex, the more chance your relationship has of surviving.
If you have sex early the guy will think hey that was a bit easy. Then he will think if she's like that with me, whats she going to be like with other guys when i ain't around.
This will induce possesivness from him. Keeping you close, not letting you go out etc. It comes from deep within a man, almost an animalistic instinct, if i can keep other men away i and only i will be father off her offspring.
I would advise at least 3 or 4 months at your age before you have sex.
Also men are preprogrammed to look into a womans past, to see if she's easy. Again its to due to guaranteeing parantage of his children, its an instinct he can't help it.
So if your into one night stands your adding up trouble for your future relationships
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): You stopped him so that should earn you some brownie points. It is up to you when you start, but never do anything on the first three dates, always keep them keen and it reflects that you are no slut. Just take it slow and dont be pressurised into it by anyone.
take care
xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Defintely goes by a case-by-case basis. I find the opinions for this tend to group like this most commonly:
-- It seems like there's one crowd that does it first time right out of the gate. They'll do it even when they're not intending to make it a "fling" and not intending to be seen as sluts later. It's just how they really do things.
-- There's another crowd that waits until about the third real date. This seems like a pretty big group among 20s & 30s adults. It's some kind of "going-through-the-motions" waiting period. These people don't really wanna wait, but they want to make sure they're not literally in the no-standards category.
-- And then there's another big batch of people that wait for a few months before the option of sex is even on the table.
And the younger you are, the longer the waits tend to be.
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (15 May 2008):
 It's "as fast as you both find comfortable".
But do consider carefully how far you really want to go. Sex and physical intimacy, is very, very much better between two people to know each other well and love each other deeply. I don't think there are, or should be, any rules about how far is right for you. For some, anything below the waist is inappropriate until after marriage; for others, leaping into bed together at the first opportunity seems to be the most popular route.
You make those rules yourself. I only suggest that getting too intimate too early might spoil some of the enjoyment later if and when your relationship becomes permanent or if and when you find someone else for a long-term relationship.
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