A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a new widow as of March..yes, I am grieving, and yes, I miss my husband tremendously, but lately I find myself wanting to just be with a man. I don't want a relationship, but just someone to you know be with --be touched-- kiss-- and whatever. I was out the other night and I met a guy who is 10 yrs. younger than I. We hit it off and I took him home. He spent the night. We had fun, but did not actually have sex since neither he nor I had protection. The next morning wasn't even awkward. I drove him home, he asked if he could call, I responded "I suppose if you want to some time but I am very busy working 2 jobs--with kids, etc." I guess the issue is I don't want a boyfriend, but it would be nice to have just what we had that night--no strings--just fun. How does this work for men of 29? Do I just initiate a call when I want it? or do I wait for him to call or text me?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 October 2010):
I am sorry or the loss of your husband, and I think you're right to be out there attempting to slowly move on from it.
The thing is, aged 29, he may have reached the age where is is looking for more. I also think that your reply may have given him the wrong idea about whether you're interested or not. To me (I'm also a guy), your reply could be a hint that you're not interested at all.
I think first of all, you need to really sit down and think about whether you're ready. I understand that you want male companionship, even if just for a night. But you need to be sure for the sake of your kids that you're doing the right thing. Example, the first night you met him, you brought him home. He could have been anyone, and neither of your had protection, so in the moment anything could have happened. Are you sure you're ready, and if so next time will you be more careful and have protection ready?
Also, you need to be sure the guy knows what he's getting into. You will meet men who are after relationships, so you need to be honest about what you want.
Finally, be careful what you text. Your text to a man would be difficult to decipher if you didn't explain that you were only interested in sex.
I'd suggest that if you are after sex, you call him and talk to him. Just be honest, and most importantly be safe for yourself and your kids. You're in a vulnerable position right now, and some nasty guys might see it. And clearly have protection at the ready.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Does that man know that? He might think you want something deeper? Just make sure you are clear that all you want is the physical intimacy without the emotional attachement. It is all up to you though, you could call him if that is what you feel you need right now.
I hope that helps.
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