A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I grew up with a single mother (my dad left when I was very little) and two sisters who dropped out of school due to getting pregnant. I was raised on a council estate, but it was in a really nice little town down South (leaving out the name so no-one recognises me) and I made quite a few great friends at school in years 6 and 7. I often had to drop out of school to help my sisters look after their kids, and my mother's boyfriends were often physically and emotionally abusive, but my schoolfriends were there for me. We never talked much about what was going on at home but I somehow managed to stay happy.When I was 13, my mum got an awful boyfriend, who had two nearly adult sons of his own. I had just come home from school one day when the son tried to molest me. Thankfully, I got away and managed to call the police. The Social Services came round, and there was enough evidence that my mum had been neglecting me that I ended up moving in with my aunt, who lived in a completely different city.Once I'd moved, my aunt (who was very strict and religious) wouldn't even let me have my mobile phone, or use the Internet, so I was completely cut off from my old friends. I once tried to catch the train back to school just to explain things to them, and was grounded for a week. Apparently she didn't want anyone to have an "influence" on me. She also made me get a part-time job and start paying her for her spare room. As it was better than going back to stay with my mum and her many "boyfriends" that's what I did till I was old enough to go to uni. Because I was working a lot longer than someone my age should have, and my aunt imposed strict curfews and rules, I wasn't bullied at school but I literally had no friends there either.I got to uni (in a different city) last year and it's been alright, but again it feels so different. I can't even go home for the vacations as I have literally no support system. My aunt and mum ring me every now and then and that is it. I've made friends, and am becoming reasonably popular, but even though I'm 19 my childhood still haunts me. I know what I want to do as an adult, and I can be a normal university student and go out wearing a short skirt without my aunt yelling at me. But it's horrible knowing that so much of my childhood was wasted. I almost feel less inclined to grow up, it's like I've left something behind.I was on Facebook today and looked up my old school friends - they're all on there but I don't know if I should get in contact: it's literally been 6 years and I'm the kid who was out of school half the time so they probably wouldn't even remember me. Despite the fact my family was poor, I could have had such a happy, normal childhood and instead I'm at uni crying about it because it was all wasted. I can be a successful adult but I just don't know how to deal with the past.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): Your university should have a counsellor and I'd recommend that you go to them and explain your situation.I think you are hesitating to get in touch with your old school friends because you fear either their rejection, or that you will open up a lot of old hurt, or both.I won't go into my own situation, but in many ways it is similar, except that I didn't have the original school friends that you had, I had no-one at all.It may seem a harsh thing to say, given how very difficult your life has been so far, but you really were lucky to have them as friends. I'd really recommend that you try to reach out to them now and explain what happened to you. I feel that if you don't do this, with extra support from a counsellor, it could 'block' your ability to make friends and trust people in future.One thing I've learned: you CAN change history. It is possible to effectively reach back into time and change your perception of what happened and how you want that time, which you thought was set in stone, to affect the rest of your life. You won't always get the ideal, but you CAN get a more positive perspective on it all - even if it's only 1, or 2 or 5 percent more positive, it's still better than thinking that things are fixed into place forever.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): I feel your pain, as I read your words. But the strength you had as a child to go through so much as a youngester is going to help you get through uni and into a good job, build other friendships and develop long lasting relationship..Your past can impact as little or as much, as you allow.. I wish I could wrap a comforting arm around you and let you cry, then make you a hot cuppa and sit down and put our heads together to solve how you feel.. You have every right to feel let down.. An aunt should never have been making you pay for a room in what was 'your' home .. That was just awful .. I am not religious but being honest we are raising two girls and one son and I would not allow him to go on twitter or Facebook until he was 18 teen and I'm sorry to say it will be the same with the girls. However there is nothing stopping you from messaging now.. Say hi, stranger do you remember me.? I didn't fall of the earth after all.. How things .. Be good to catch up . Then when you get chatting again you can explain things as you have here.. When we're children we go along with the flow, and sweetie things were taking out of your control..How do you feel about your mum, do you think there is a relationship there you can salvage ? I'm my family orientated .. Ok mine are wasted as they should be.. I think family is important .. If you feel you can sort through the past , or if your mums changed then try and get the support you need..How about your sisters?I'm sorry for asking questions .. It just gives me a better idea on the situation ..
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