A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for 22 years and sex is still great, but pretty much the same way much of the time. Lately, we have been talking about maybe trying an open relationship and seeing others. We have a very strong marriage and I think both of us are almost ready to give it a try. We would love to hear from others that have tried it and tell us what you think and how it is working for you.. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nananette56 +, writes (10 February 2023):
If you value your marriage, don't do it. A good marriage never has a third or fourth party. Explore different things that the two of you can do. Get creative. Bringing others into your bed won't help anything.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2023): People always claim to have a strong marriage, and that the sex is good. If that's the case, what do you need an open-marriage for?
There's a simple axiom about life. "Don't fix what ain't broke!"
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 February 2023):
 A divorce is usually easier before you open the marriage.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 February 2023):
 Studies show that Anon female is totally right.
"It will be goodbye strong marriage. One or the other will prefer one of the new people to their husband or wife."
Your marriage has worked WELL for 22 years, having SEX with other people, and getting emotionally attached to other people will probably NOT help your marriage STAY strong. It's like having more chefs in the kitchen who ALL have different agendas.
I have seen the results of this twice myself with some of our friends and acquaintances. Both got divorced. One couple remarried the "new playmates" and then divorced them too. And I knew of a couple who started out as a "swinger couple" that also didn't last. The wife never really wanted to swing in the first place but thought this is how I keep my man. It wasn't.
I would NEVER do this to my marriage (we have been together 25+ years now). That is not what EITHER of us signed up for.
It's inviting drama and hurt into your marriage ON purpose. No matter how many "rules" and "checkpoints" you add you can't anticipate your FEELINGS.
I have been on DO for OVER a decade and have read hundreds of people's anguish about doing JUST this, after opening up a relationship or marriage.
I would advice against it.
This, however, your life and your marriage at risk. Not mine. So your choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2023): It will be goodbye strong marriage. One or the other will prefer one of the new people to their husband or wife.
Lies, sneaking about, secrets does not improve a marriage it destroys it. Men find it very hard to get a bit on the site anyway, if middle aged or old and married. What woman wants that? Lots of married men have to pay for extra marital, I've never known one who could get it free, even if they were good looking, charming, well spoken, well dressed etc. Because women want a full relationship where you take them out, romance them, care about them, do other stuff with them, visit them when in hospital etc. Not just being your sex toy. If sex is very important to them and they love it they find a young single man who is more available or sell it. So become more realistic.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (9 February 2023):
 Well i have never tried it so i can't offer you advice on how it's working for me.
The only advice i can offer is hearing about other peoples experiences and previous posts relating to this topic here on DC. From what i can gather is once you start bringing third parties in to the mix things often take a downward spiral.
It could transpire after trying this a few times that you actually realise someone else is better than your partner in the bedroom. Maybe one of you could start to develop intense feelings for someone else and arrange to meet secretly.
Personally if it was me i would steer clear of going down this avenue. Not trying to put you off, just giving you my advice and what could potentially happen, at the end of the day your both adults and your decision if you both want to try this.
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