A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a terribly emotionally abusive relationship for about 3 years, many years ago. He was my high school boyfriend and everything seemed fine at first but then started spiralling out of control really fast. He would call me the worst of names, wouldn't allow me to talk to any other man, he wanted to alienate me from my family.... You get the drift. I broke it off but he he wouldn't let go easily. It was a nightmare but I was finally free.I am now happily married for the last 8 years with a child. A few days ago, I was in my hometown where this guy still lives and from what I feel, he's still not married.I was in a store buying something and I think he must have seen me going there because I suddenly spotted him next to me, trying to catch my eye. I was terrified and almost froze but managed to get it together and walked out immediately. I couldn't believe how brazen he was, the way he was looking at me almost in a condescending way and he knew I was very uncomfortable. He had tried to contact me before I got married saying he wanted another chance but I'd told him, one more word from you and I'm going to call the police. That was the last I'd heard from him.I had managed to not see him for many years but i guess there are bound to be instances when I do see him.... it's a small town and I'm going back again in a few days. How should I behave if I do come face to face with him? I hate him from the bottom of my heart and he's caused me tremendous pain. I wish he was dead and I can't believe he's so brazen and has the cheek to actually try to face me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2023): Handle it just as you did before. If he follows you around or attempts to speak to you; head towards customer service to ask for the manager, or the store security. You should also set your phone to record and video the incident should he say something or attempt to corner you.
Stay calm as you can, and if he starts something loudly ask him to please step-away from you to draw attention. Please be careful in the parking lot, look around to be sure you're not followed. Set your phone to record video. You might want your husband to accompany you when you're out and about in your hometown.
You shouldn't have to be paranoid or afraid when you go out. So far, he hasn't broken the law; just make a plan on how to get yourself out of a sticky situation. You threatened to call the police, and he seemed to yield to the threat. Maybe he just wants to make you uncomfortable; but if you see him, and he tries anything, loudly ask him to "PLEASE STEPAWAY!"
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 February 2023):
 You did awesomely!
You didn't want to interact with him and you walked away.
My advice to you is to consider talking to someone about this, like a therapist. Because carrying around hate this strong is not healthy FOR YOU. He is living rent-free in your head. You need to work through what happened so you can truly let it go.
Also telling him back when you got married to stop contacting you or you would involve the Police was a great move.
People like him don't believe they can do anything wrong. Ever. Which is why he was ready to talk to you if you had given him an opening. You didn't. Which is GREAT!
Pieces of shit people rarely change. They just get older.
Don't make him the focus of your life, but if he pops up in your head often I'd say talk to a therapist. And file some mental "eviction papers" on him.
Focus on what's IMPORTANT in your life, HE isn't it!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (9 February 2023):
 I think as you live in such a small town, the chances of bumping into him on instances such as this are extremely high. I know its not easy seeing him as he caused you so much turmoil when you were at school.
Apart from move away to a more distant place far from him,I think you are just going to have to accept the fact that you are going to bump into him from time to time in the small town you live, unfortunately there is not an awful lot you can do about this.
If you see him just don't engage him, go about your business and just ignor him.
If you feel things are getting worse, and you feel me maybe stalking you, or turning up at your home address then i would most certainly alert the authorities.
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