A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's always been very tough for me to make friends and get to know people because no one seems to like me, at least not when they first meet me. Any friendships I've had were usually made in some type of setting (like school and clubs at school) where I saw the same people repeatedly on a regular basis, and at first they didn't seem to like me but then I guess had the chance to get to know me better and we got closer.Now that I'm out of high school I really don't have any friends. I didn't go to college and don't plan to, and I'm self-employed, so I can't make friends at work either. Those types of settings ^ just aren't available for me anymore. To make friends, I'd have to instantly get on well with another person the first time I meet them, because I won't see them again or at least not anytime soon unless I can contact them. I've looked on Meetup to try to find groups in my area, but I live in a small town with not much to do and I don't have a car.I don't know what I do wrong. I'm a nice person, if a little bit shy. It's difficult for me to carry a conversation, not so much because I don't know what to say, but because the other person doesn't seem to want to talk to me and that upsets me. I'm always friendly and polite, but not exactly "bubbly" - I'm just not an extrovert. I have very low self-esteem and confidence as well, so maybe that has something to do with it, but feeling like no one likes me doesn't help that.How do I change this? What could I be doing wrong? I just want friends...
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): Through your own admission you recognize that it is difficult for you to make friends but are not totally happy this way and want to change. You have jumped the first hurdle and realize that you must bring change in your own personal life to make and keep friends. And yes this could be difficult but attainable not only for you but people who are extraverts. In my own personal life I have made and kept a love while going to college and have made new life long female friendships through undergraduate school and graduate school. You really have to stop beating yourself up and boost your self confidence. I know you don't have a lot of money but this book you can find in any library big or small . It is called winning friends and influencing people. Its been around for years but it hits the message home very well without spending large sums of money on online help sites that just want to drain your pocketbook. I know that this book has been updated numerous times over the past ten years so make sure you tell the library staff that you want the latest updated version okay? Read through the book and I know you will find some useful tips to set yourself up. The biggest hurdle will be your mindset. By your own admission your not a ugly duckling. Practice on your outward appearance and pose. Do a small make over that will help show your assets. Your hair, your face and yes how you dress. So you may not want a date at a this point in time but the moment you up date your appearance your going to be noticed by people. And I myself have a hard time giving a sincere smile to a stranger who I want to say hello to this very day. Watch the price is right on tv and see how the models react with the public and the camera. see how the mood in the studio is changed by their smile, appearance and mannerism. Stand in front of a mirror and practice this stuff. I know you don't have to go to extremes to be like them. They are after all trained professionals. You now have to get out in your community and get involved with it. But if your town is so small you will have to consider moving to a town that can accommodate your job and lifestyle that wont require a car. Nothing is impossible. Move forward. Take small steps and don't allow yourself to become overwhelmed. Your on the right track.xoxo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): If you need a contrived setting to smooth the way to make friends, then you just need to get back into such a setting so you need to seek it out avtively rather than trying to do without. For example you could maybe join a gym or take up a hobby that involves classes. Or join a volunteer organization that requires ongoing commitment. or maybe this means self employment is not for you.
There's nothing wrong with you. Not everyone is extroverted. But still, people are a social species so it is natural to want to get into groups and organizations. Living the life of a lone wolf is not natural but that is what you are doing since you are self employed and have little contact with other people. It is the external environment that is not normal, not you.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (4 May 2013):
 Perhaps do some volunteer work. That might be a setting where you see the same people, and maybe get to know people that way.
As for the confidence and self esteem it's just something you have to work at, a little bit here and there, and it might be years before you start to see a result.
I hired a life coach to help me with confidence and motivation, and to teach me how to talk to people, especially women. And I'm nearly forty three. How sad is that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): Hey there.Your problem sounds exactly similar to that of a very good friend of mine. Know this dear, you're doing nothing WRONG. It's just the way you are. You have diagnosed all your problems, so your solutions just can't be far. Your low self-esteem is what makes you feel that nobody seems to want to speak to you. When you meet someone new and face difficulty in speaking up, let your gestures do the talking. Be sensitive and let it show. Make complimentary comments, smile, look into the person's eyes while speaking- these are the very basic pointers. You're a nice and friendly person, so why would anybody not want to talk to you when they first meet you? Is that logical in any way? Also, the fact that you speak less means you listen more, and that is a VERY big plus poing when it comes to making friends. Just reach out and know that you have it all. Go out more and keep an eye out for like-minded individuals so that you can make some REAL friends.I wish you all the very best, wonderful girl. *hugs*
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