A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i are going through a bad patch. Im going through a custody battle with my ex and its taken its toll on our telationship. I admit I get upset but most people would. Well anyway im now up at 3.30 am not knowing where on earth he is. A few times hes just gone out and i have no idea what hes doing but he thinks its ok as he needs space. His phone is off too. Ive had enough and text him saying its over. Do you think this was the right thing to do? He doesnt live with me so is it acceptable for someone just to be able to go out and not tell their partner where they are?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): "Ive had enough and text him saying its over. Do you think this was the right thing to do?"
If I were him, you wouldn't be getting any argument from me.
"He doesnt live with me so is it acceptable for someone just to be able to go out and not tell their partner where they are"
If he doesn't live with you, then he shouldn't be required to report his movements to you in advance, nor should he be expected to inform you when he's going to bed for the night, which is where he likely was and why his phone was off at 3:30 am.
He's not your "partner" as you two not entered into any kind of contract and so he has no legal responsibility or obligation to you.
I feel sad and sorry for your children, caught in a crossfire between two supposed adults who apparently are unable to behave reasonably towards one another, an unflattering characteristic the effects of which your now-second-ex will fortunately be free.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 May 2013):
 Hi
He was probably at home in bed, with his phone off because he knew you would ring and wake him up.Or one of his mates would. Its not unusual to have the phone off at 3am, or earlier if you want some peace.
Your just hyper sensitive because of the custody battle, it's bound to take it's toll on you. But he is entitled to his space, without having to answer to you, just as you are.
Now you've lost your temper and told him it's over,so when he wakes up that's the message he will see.
SO,the ball is in his court, he can come and see you and talk, or decide ok, that's that then.
I hope you can sort things out, talk to each other, you don't say how long you have been together though so it's hard to say how far he is committed or able to accept your going through a rough time and support you.
Hope things work out
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A
male
reader, fzald  +, writes (4 May 2013):
I think you may have acted a little rash.
First of all, it's not acceptable in any relationship to be a "Stalker." Even when you're married, you each have at least some rights to your own space and time. Even more so when you're a dating couple not living together.
I do get that your emotional state is a bit out of whack because of the problems with your ex, however, that doesn't give you the right to demand that your bf tell you where he is all the time. Besides, how do you know for sure he "went out"? He doesn't live with you so you don't know that he's out. Just because his phone is off doesn't mean he's out cheating. (Popular music might have us believe otherwise, but honestly, it's not usually the case.)
Thing is, you already told him it's over, so it will be up to him at this point if he wants to forgive you and try again. He has the upper hand at this point. What you need to do first though is address your fears. What is it you're afraid he might do? Why do you feel this way? Has he ever done anything to indicate to you that he's the type to go out and do bad things?
Take some time to do some introspection and understand what happened, and then decide if you want to contact him to try to reconcile, but remember, it's really in his hands at this point.
Good luck!
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