A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello agony aunt(s), I find myself in a situation that I would rather not be in, but none the less, am. As a woman who didnt get serious with men or have boyfriends until I turned 23, I find myself teasing out what I like and dont like. I am a happy person, who has lots of friends and is well respected. I was the type of person who wanted to wait for Mr. Right but my previous Mr. Right, wasnt so right for me afterall. My current sitation is that I am in my mid twenties and have been seeing my current man (Jay), whom I met on a dating app, for the past 5 months. We have recently made things official in terms of being in a relationship. He is kind,very handsome easy going, sporty, caring and I can have a laugh with him. As with any person, there are flaws. He is a poor speller,and quite limited in his life experience-travel etc. He is willing to travel so thats not really a problem.The poor grammar may not be a deal breaker but I find the bad spelling and grammar off putting. I know I am far from perfect but it is how I feel. I have never mentioned or discussed it with him. Then, there is a man whom of late has been treating me slightly different. This man (mike) is 4 years my senior and is best friends with my male housemate. Mike is over in my house quite a bit on account of this. I have a suspicion that he is attracted to me. He does treat me slightly different to other girls i have seen him around. He is a very entertaining funny man, very handsome and loves to have fun. Yet for his age he is immature when it comes to making life decisions and relationships. He has never had a girlfriend, or been with a partner for more than a month. Yet there is something about Mike I am very attracted to. Jay is a really great guy, he is so reliable and he makes me feel safe. I do have a connection with Jay too and I feel so guilty for even asking this question. My question is I suppose: A. What is the best thing to do? B. How do you truly know if you love someone? C. What Does Mr. Right look like? D. How do you talk about his flaws that really bother you with him, without insulting him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016): ORIGINAL POSTER: Thank you for your input everyone. Mike is a great man too, but feel like I would feel insecure with him. I know he has had mumerous sexual partners and is a 'charmer' and probably sees me a challenge because I have recently got into a relationship. Maybe he now feels like he is missing out because I am no longer as available to him to make a move than what I was prior to my new relationship. I feel stuck. I suppose, I don't want to lose something good when I know that Jay is a good man and wants to please. However, I do find it hard to text him knowing there will be numerous grammatical errors made. He has a good job and is an Engineer. However, being a Speech and Language Therapist myself I find it really hard to overlook his limited knowledge of linguistic rules and grammatical structures. I find myself mentally assessing his linguistic skills. I feel terrible because he is completely unaware of this. I think he has some awareness that expressing himself verbally can be tricky for him at times. How do I overcome this? I feel like I have built up this issue and is possibly steming from my own issue (perfectionism). I do not mean to sound like a snob, it's my last intention. I am aware that I am not perfect myself, even if I do strive as best I can. He does make me happy and he makes me feel confident, intelligent and very able. He has such great qualities that I really like about him and afraid I would regret it if I ended it with him over something that he might not be able to do anything about. Has anyone any advice on how I can overcome this? Or, deal with this effectively?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2016): The choice is up to you who you pick. But dont base "LOVE" on grammar and mystery. Love is when you can be yourself, the best version of yourself with them and at end of day, they have your back. Focus on the man you love/want but also the man who loves/want you back. SO many women chase abusive, mean, or non-commital men because of 'mystery' or 'wild fun' but these men often times dont have your best interest at heart.From your post Jay is the guy to go. Didnt you say hes reliable, sweet, funny? Thats a great package deal. And isnt he also the guy youve committed yourself to already? I think youre having grass is greener on other side syndrome right now because of Mike and him hanging our your house. .....Anyways But here's a tip I do often when dating or theres a few guys to chose from, I isolate him completely in my mind from other men I may feel attracted to. And I imagine I no longer feel any attraction to anyone else.Then I ask myself : How DO I really feel for this particular person? What are my feelings? Do I feel good? Is the sex amazing? Is everything else great as well? Do I feel like I can be myself, the worst yet greatest part of myself? When we are alone together, does he make me feel like the most amazing woman ever? Is he stable, emotionally mature, yet caring and fun to be with?I listen to my heart and I use my mind and my gut to help sort things out. And usually I do this WITH every single man who've I had a romantic relationship with. And its shocking because often times the answer was there all along. I dont think its Mike thats the problem but maybe all along youve felt hesitant about Jay. Listen to your feelings and gut but also why youre feeling that way. Have you always felt like Jay wasnt the right person for you OR are you wanting to explore things with a different men before settling? It may be good or just selfish reasons. Good luck =)
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A
male
reader, muiga  +, writes (25 October 2016):
you sound like you are more into Mike and probably aren't ready to settle,but girls never learn from the bad boy,i call it sweet poison effect,the sweet guy looks like he's going to change into something else after you break his heart and the fun guy is hardly on his loyal days,but to answer your question,theres no Mr perfect,we all got defaults and we live to make each other better people,ask yourself what really counts,what kind of person you can live with and with the right time,experience and maturity you will know what you really need,there is no answer because we all have different questions on that same agenda
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (25 October 2016):
 To borrow from Chinese wisdom - Choose the lighter happiness.
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