A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am recently divorced from a serial cheater. I'm ashamed to admit that a couple months ago I met my ex and in the heat of the moment, we slept together. I didn't really think anything of it beyond a stupid mistake, but after speaking with my counselor recently, she brought to my attention that I should get an STD screening.That would be all fine and dandy except I've recently met a great guy and we've become intimate. I did some research and I didn't realize that the majority of STDs have little to no symptoms...I'm terrified that maybe my ex-husband might have given me something, and if so, what if my new partner got it too? We've used condoms consistently but it's still very worrisome. I don't know why I didn't think about it before...but now it's eating me up inside and I know I have to talk to my new partner about this.We have a romantic date planned for this weekend but I'm worried that it would be wrong to wait to tell him...but it also feels wrong to discuss this type of thing over the phone. If I do wait for the weekend, should I tell him before or after the date?
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condom, divorce, my ex, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 Oh jeez, what is it with girls pushing the cart before the horse?
No, you don't talk to him about the possibility of you having an STD. You go take the test and screenings! Then, AFTER YOU GOT THE RESULTS BACK, you talk to him about it.
As long as you've stuck to condoms, you're in all likelihood fine. If you want to talk to your new boyfriend about this you simply tell him:
Sweetie, I want us to both get tested. Its the mature thing to do now that we are in a steady relationship.
I have ALL my boyfriends get tested, but that's because I want to stop using condoms and move over to the pill. And then you need to get tested. It's just a habit, really, always get yourself tested after/before a relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2016): To be honest I think you are imagining things and probably you are unable to shake it out of your mind. Dont worry if std's were so common and so wide spread we would all got by now. But to rest your mind you should have the tests. Most probably the results shall be negative unless you have some solid doubts.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 Go to the doctor and get yourself tested, don't have sex or be intimate until the results come back then talk to your doctor about what happens next.
Be honest with your new partner, you have done nothing wrong, but just tell him you have been thinking and your ex cheated on you so you are getting tested to make sure he didn't give you more than a broken heart. If the new guy is serious about you he can wait for sex until you get the all clear.
Sweetie I know you are worried, but anybody could be carrying STI's including the new guy. The good thing is you are getting checked and hopefully it comes back clear. Always remember to get checked regularly and to be safe always unless it is with someone you trust.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (6 October 2016):
I think your new man will understand if you simply explain that you are worried about STIs due to your cheating ex husband, and while you have no symptoms to suggest you have anything, you know it's sensible to check since that doesn't always mean you are clear. I'd tell him asap - if that means over the phone then so be it - and get yourself to the doctors asap to get yourself tested too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 October 2016):
 Get your happy ass to the doctors and get tested and then in 6 months re-tested. Until then, I'd decline to have sex. Then have a GROWN up discussion with your doctor about STI'STD's.
HPV, herpes, Syphilis, Pubic lice, also known as crabs and Molluscum contagiosum are all spread through skin contact and CAN be passed on while using protection. The first 3... are not CURABLE.( most modern strains of Syphilis no longer react to antibiotics)
You have already had sex with a new partner WITHOUT being tested which I think is REALLY careless given your ex's sexual history. Because AS they say the people your PARTNER has had sex with you in turn are affected by and now you have affected this new guy.
So since you are ALREADY intimate with this new guy, TELL him. And yes over the phone is fine. Better than to do it at a romantic night out or ... after the deed is done. I get you don't want to ruin the romantic date, but seriously? Give a few F's about the new guy's health, will you?
Tell him:" my ex-husband was a serial cheater and I worry about STD's, I haven't felt or seen any symptoms but that doesn't mean a thing. I am going to have a panel done ASAP (I suggest you, new lover, do too) and I intend to retest in 6 months." If the new guy is ANY kind of smart, he will see the getting tested as a good thing, not a "scarlet letter" branding you as a walking STD.
That is the ADULT thing to do. If you have any STD's it's not your fault, but that doesn't mean it's OK to pass them on under the guise of "ignorance" either.
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A
female
reader, newgia667  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 it isn't for certain, are you able to go to the doctors and check prior to your romantic getaway.. I think if you have an STD you should inform him prior to the getaway.. If you don't i think you should not tell him until after you guys get back because that might ruin your getaway.. If you don't have it you should still talk to him about this after the getaway because if he cares he will not judge you and he will help you. You are not the one going around sleeping with 100's of people so theirs nothing to be ashamed of.. You were in love with someone not cautious but that doesn't put you to blame. Just make sure you get checked prior to having sex with him… Because if you have it you don't want to take anymore risks.. Certain stds are very minimal and it doesn't make or break you as a person.. It does add some complications to sex but you can see your doctor and he can prescribe you medication to kill the std cells and make it less likely for your partner to get what you have. (I believe its like 70% less likely).. Some are very manageable so don't stress.If he blames you and makes you feel less if you do.. Than unfortunately the ugly truth is he is not the one for you..I hope everything works out and you have a lovely getaway!! Gia
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2016): Well you need to get tested thoroughly. Your main threat I imagine is genital herpes. If you used condoms you have helped to protect yourself. Are you being honest? Did you use them every time? Until you have answers from tests then surely it is the responsible thing (finally) for you to refrain from sex until you know.
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