A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Like all couples when my husband and I first got together we had sex all the time. He expected it everynight we were together. If I happen to start to fall asleep during a movie he would wakeme up to make sure he got sex before I fell asleep. If we had a friend over he would basically kick them out if he saw me looking tired because he didn't want me to be too tired for sex. This was before we got married. I was young and dumb and didn't see the signs. He was very jealous and controlling and didn't want me to go out with my friends. After we got married we had a child and of course sex was not as often. This is the point where if he was all horned out for whatever reason and I declined sex he started breaking things. My eyeglass, framed pics of us etc. Because of this sex became a chore. Something I did just so I didn't have to deal with his tantrums. I've now been married 16 years and have realized and told him this was abusive. He says he will get help but at this point I can't stand for him to touch me anymore. Im so disgusted with him and myself. He wants to get counseling and save our marriage, but at this point I don't think I could ever want to have or enjoy sex with him again. How do you tell someone that is willing to get help that it's too late? Also, he is very manipulative and explosive anger. Verbally abusive but never physically.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): i certainly would tell him nothing. You do not have to explain yourself. The most dangerous time for a woman leaving a man is just before or just after she leaves him. That is when he is most likely to hurt and even murder her. Or murder her children as a revenge. Or destroy her property as a revenge. He is still the same abusive man. He's had no treatment for his abusive ways. It is you who later will need a lot of support to help you build your own confidence after what you have endured for too long. Quietly pack up a few things that mean a lot to you. Find out if there is a shelter for women who have had to leave an abusive man as you need support and protection from the minute you leave. Give him no warning of when you leave. Make sure he is not home when you leave. Do not leave a forwarding address. Do not tell others such as neighbors or people too weak to keep a secret of where you are. Get a new phone number, new email. After you have left then have divorce papers served on him. Not before you leave. Good luck..
A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (19 November 2010):
Straight forward and complete honestly. Even if you can correct all mistakes you two had created, the pains over the year were so great that this marriage has to end. Don’t waste another minute trying to please a man you don’t love. Don’t have sex with anyone you don’t love, unless you want to.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (19 November 2010):
 unfortunately for him you have already made up your mind and that is all that should matter to you. You have tolerated a lot of abuse and finally decided to say enough is enough, don't let his manipulation control your decision.
Simply say I hope you change for you because its to late for us.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 November 2010):
If it's too late then the time has come to leave. And that's what you do. You tell him it's too little, too late and that you want a divorce. If you stay, then he will expect you to start working things out. And if you stay, then you should be working it out. So if it's too late, then the time has come to end the marriage and move on.
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