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female
age
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anonymous
writes:There is a man who I come into regular contact with through business who I find I am becoming increasingly attracted to. He is younger than me and also quite shy. Lately he has been asking questions about my private life in a very careful way and I catch him looking at me A LOT ! He tells me things about himself, his family etc and finds ways to be in the same part of the room as me whenever possible. I am attracted to his kind gentle manner. Last time I saw him he said, "where have you been lately?" ..which I thought was curious since it had only been 3 days since we last saw each other. He now has a 'pet name' for me which he tentatively uses on occasion. Sometimes he seems very awkward around me. I am not normally underconfident around people but something about his manner makes me treat him with care and I have not been forward by asking him out. How do you tell if a guy is just flirting or is really interested in you ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): You know what, thank you ! That was a great answer. I DO not want to visit his problems in my life or my children's and I actually think that he doesnt want to visit it on me either. He needs to make sure this woman is OUT of his life and seems frustrated that he cant seem to do this. To have made a scene twice at his place of work (once herself, once by asking some guy to hassle him) is really out of line in my opinion and a tad imbalanced. It concerns me that this woman may get in my space if I were more involved with him. I think he knows this and seems to be trying to deal with it. In his shoes I would be a little scared of her behaviour. I sympathise with his predicament but I cannot and will not help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): Hard to say. It sounded really positive in the beginning, but once I read on alarm bells went off!! Do you really want the worry of having an ex in what could be a new relationship for you? It is more then likely all his exes doings but I for now would keep it on a friendly level with him and chat to him as you have been doing, suss out what's goin on and if you feel it's something you would rather not be apart of be, if you feel that theres no means to an end with this ex in that she is gonna be around for the forseeable future keep it cool!! You don't want to be inviting people into your family who have baggage in the shape and form of ex's!! (in his ex's case, she sounds a little like a bunny boiler!!) It's a little un-nerving with the way his ex thinks. I would if I were in your shoes keep it cool as in coffee breaks etc and chat to him as a friend, let him confide in you and then you can play it from there. Hope this helps!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to give an update on this situation: see what you all think. Well, I did invite this man out for a coffee, to which he eagerly replied yes. A few days later and before the day we had arranged to meet, he asked if we could meet earlier. I had something on with my kids so I said, Look would you like to come round for lunch ? Well, no one ever said yes so fast. Ok, so the day came. He arrived and we had a lovely lunch together, each telling stories, swapping interests, talking about food and travel etc. He got on well with my kids (teens)and once when I left the room to get some more food, he asked my younger daughter when my birthday was. Then at dessert when I turned to put the kettle on, my older daughter told me he swapped the nicer looking piece of pie and icecream (that he had served)in front of me. Cute stuff. Ok so after a couple of hours he said, well I had better get going. Then he kinda stared down at the floor and there was this awkward silence....long pause.... so I gently joked about him having to help with the washing up if he wasnt careful. He left then and it was all awkward and he asked if he would see me at work in the near future ? Ok, so I did see him at work the next day. First thing he says to me was, ' I had such a lovely time yesterday ' To which I replied ' so did I'. Again, he stared at the floor and there was an awkward pause. This time I didnt fill it. Work got in the way for a couple of mins. and I said to a colleague 'yes, I remember that house fire, it was on my birthday' This man then whispered to me the date of my birthday ! A little while later, when we were alone, he launched right into a personal story. He said, my ex is giving me a really hard time at the moment. I asked him to explain. He said that things had been over for a while but suddenly recently she had been 'vindictive' bordering on criminal. He had come home from work (two days before he visited me for lunch) and she had broken into his house and removed (as well as ransacking) gifts that she had given him whilst they were together. He told me that he could have gone to the police but didnt want to escalate the matter. He said he didnt respond to this incident. And that that morning, she had sent some big guy she works with over to harrass him. He said he was confused about this because it was him that ended the relationship. In fact he said to me, I grew so tired of her drama all the time so I ended it. I want her out of my life completely. I am ready to move on.I didnt get an opportunity to say too much, and frankly didnt want to say too much. This man is a good deal younger than me and I dont want to be a 'mummy'. He is quite capable of handling this situation in my opinion. Some days went by and I was there again this morning (work). He was visibly tense, agitated and not as smiley as usual. He asked how I was and I told him I was having some car trouble and was annoyed at the inconvenience but otherwise fine. He then offered to go buy me a coffee and bring it back to where we were sitting. So we were talking for a while about some work things and he had to move to a different part of the room. All of a sudden there is a woman standing near the counter and she throws a plastic bag with something in it over the top of the counter and then stomps (and I mean stomps) away and out of the building. He came back over in time to say...'that would be the ex' After all that he was decidely quiet and distracted. He barely spoke and didnt make any eye contact. When I had to leave he just said, ok, see you next time.What do you think ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): There is a possibility that he may be interested in you. Time will definitely tell. Wait and see what he does next or you could casually ask him out for coffee. Either way time will definitely tell. Trust your instincts. And remember, as cliche as this sounds, "actions do speak louder than words."
Best of luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I know what you mean....I am cautious about whether this is just a flirting thing because I have been stung before. He lets me know what he does on weekends and told me once that he would be at a sporting ground in my street. At the time I said, oh what a shame I wont be home otherwise you could have popped in for coffee! Since then he has been friendlier. At times he gets quite awkward around me and I have interpretted it as 'he's just not that into you'...you know that american guy who wrote that book? Does a shy guy take a loonnnnng time to getting round to taking that next step ? Could he be really interested and is just taking steps to insure that I am interested too ? He is not married, that much I know. And he is openly chatting to me about these things in front of his staff. It was actually my teen children who pointed out that he was interested in me. They are really keen that he is the type of man I should be spending time with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to let him into my heart and arms but because he is shy I don't want to come on too strong. I am also a little unsure of his intentions at this point. I guess I am a bit chicken ! His pet name for me is 'princess'.
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female
reader, Lost in Translation  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Do you know whether this man is in a relationship already? If so DONT GO THERE!! If he is in a relationship it could be that whole flirty thing, its fun to flirt with someone and know you have got it still , so I hope this isn't what he's doin with you! Or while I'm thinking about the whole relationship thing I'm sure you've checked out if he wears a ring on his finger?! If he's not and you reckon he's not with anybody sure go for it!! I'd just go for it!! I reckon that shyness and attraction go hand in hand, he is definitley interested in you. it's a chemical explosion!! The only way your gonna know if its simply just flirting or if he is interested in you is by going that extra step and asking him out!! I'd just go for it! I'd probably go with the whole "I'm heading out to (add destination of your choice here) this weekend with a couple of mates, do you wanna come along? Bring a couple of your mates it'll be fun!!" Or if he has mentioned he likes going to the pub with friends on a saturday night or gigs on weekends, why not tell him about a good band that will be playing in your local pub this weekend and he should come along with you (and your mates if you like) to see them!! Your technically asking him out but in a round about way! His response will give you the answer you are looking for!!
I hope my advice helps you out, it's simple but hopefully effective! Good Luck!!
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male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (5 August 2007):
What is the age difference between you two? Has he been married before? I gather your answer is no. What about his past relationships? Were there Any other gf's? A man who is Just Flirting doesn't ask a woman about her private life. Nor would he venture to tell you about his family either. Now most women know what they want when it comes to getting their man, So if he's what you really want. Then I'm sure that you will know how to go about letting him into your heart and into your arms. Oh! What's his Pet-name for you? That would tell me quite a lot about what he thinks of you.
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