A
female
age
36-40,
*hPinkyGirl
writes:Well here's the thing. I am currently with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. He is about 11 years older than I am and I'm in my 20's. I am very happy with him he treats me better than most other guys but lately he's starting to be a bit controlling. He has forbade me to go to parties that are held at a certain persons house (he thinks that this guy flirts with me and likes me but there's nothing there). He has two kids of his own and sometimes he treats me as if I am a kid. He'll get angry with me and his tone would be very disciplinary. There are certain places I'm not allowed to go and certain people I'm not allowed to hang out with. He gets angry when I don't check in (which is understandable) but when he doesn't check in with me and I get upset, he tells me I'm being irrational. I guess where I'm going with this is that he's very hypocritical. He can talk to who ever he wants; like his ex wife (the one he doesn't have children with, he's been married twice). They would send text messages to each other and he would never show me but he looks at my phone all the time. If I have a message from guys he'll get upset and tell me not to. When I tell him that when he converse with his ex wife it upsets me, he just brushes me off and says there's nothing to worry about. He doesn't really trust me I don't think. What should I do? I've discussed how I feel with him in a mature manner and he just turns things around to where I would feel stupid for saying anything at all. I'm so confused, I care about him but at the same time I'm starting to have trouble keeping my cool. I feel like one day I'm going to just scream and yell at him. Help please. Should I end it when I still want to be with him, or should I just ignore him? How do you tell a guy that you don't like certain things about them with hurting their ego?
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (25 October 2009):
I agree with the above... here's more to consider...
It sounds like he's cheating and trying to make sure that you're not doing the same. He checks you cell phone, but you can't check his... sounds like he's feeling guilty and checking your tracks.
Personally, this relationship sounds like FAR TOO MUCH drama, how many ex-wives does this romeo have? Is dating a control freak like this the BEST you can do? I seriously doubt it. You need to think about what this relationship will look like in 5 years and ask yourself if your ready to got there... I'd pack my stuff and bolt.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 "I am very happy with him he treats me better than most other guys"
Wow. High standards! Especially the MOST bit. So if 5 out of 10 guys kick you in the gut and 1 punches you while four do not hurt you at all, you go for the gut puncher?
He gets upset when you don't check in... well that is alright, for your drill sergeant or your mother. Is it understandable for a bf? I don't think so, why do you?
You are dating a control freak and it is making you unhappy.
The warning signs are clear, well to me, apparently not to you, and the solution is simple, run and don't stop to pack.
There is one simple thing to remember, you are young girl dating a much older guy who already has had two women say "no more".
Take the hint, this guy is bad news. He is trying to control your every action and it will never end no matter how much you give in. That is what his type does, you can't reason with it and two women before you have already shown he can't be changed.
Either you learn to accept that just because you love someone doesn't mean things always work out or you learn to live by his demands for the rest of your life.
How do you tell a guy you don't want to be controlled? You DON'T. The door slamming shut is all they need to hear.
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