A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you swim through the dating pool?I am a 32 year old female - I am not religious but rather building my faith through spirituality. I have been single for two years. Not to sound vain but I do get picked up by guys ( the wrong ones) so if I wanted to have sex I guesss it has always been handyI have tried online but I feel that I would like not have sex until I feel the man is genuine caring and a man of his wordsWhat should I do? I sometimes worry about the age as my own mother got married young and my friends are at the alterI don’t ask for much since I am financially able to provide for myself and hold a corporate gig that is stable (house etc)I don’t want to settle but I don’t know how not to look at the dating pool and not get discouraged Any tips? There is this sense of paranoia that if I don’t find someoen I am defective “such a pretty girl” why haven’t you found someoene - is all I get from family and some friends It’s crazy it almost makes it impossible to build confidence BevUse if I’m picky this chance might not comeNote I don’t mind not having sex - I have only been with three men sexually and this worries me - shoulf I go and text it out ?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (1 August 2018):
 Firstly, and most importantly, stop comparing yourself to others. There will always be people who, if you compare yourself to them, will make you feel inferior or superior. Neither is a good thing. Just acknowledge everyone is different and everyone does things at their own pace. As the saying goes, we do not all march to the same beat.Your mother will have got married younger because that is what people of her generation did. Her grandmother would probably have got married even younger. As life expectancy and career options for women improve, so the average age they get married increases. Your friends who are married have either been lucky enough to meet the right person for them, have different expectations from a partner or have "settled". Who knows? It is their choice and they are doing it their way.
As spirituality is obviously important to you, I doubt you will be happy with someone who does not at least understand your need for this growth and support you in it. Have you tried putting your own profile on dating sites specifying what is important to you in a potential partner? Be up front and honest about what you need. As you are "pretty", perhaps use a photograph which will not encourage men who are just looking for a bit of "arm candy". Play down your looks. Concentrate instead on the qualities you need in a partner and see what that brings.
I applaud you for not "settling". It would not make you happy in the long term. Keep searching for what you know you need. It is out there somewhere.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2018): I didn't have a lot of dating-experience. I met my longtime lover, companion, and partner at 16. That relationship lasted through high school, college, and grad school. We lived and loved together; then he died of cancer.
Whoa! What was I to do, suddenly single at 44! I don't know nuthin about dating!!!
Well, grief made me numb anyway. Got plenty of offers, and asked-out for dates. When you're shutoff emotionally; you're just going through the motions. In a fog. Friends, relatives, and colleagues try to set you up with "gay people" they know. Those blind-dates were either a disaster, or I was just not feeling it. Just like you said, you're asked why a great-looking guy like you is still single?
First-off, let me worry about that! Mind your own business!
I've talked to my friends and acquaintances who have used dating-sites. Mixed-opinions and varying results.
I've checked them out for the sake of research; but I never actually subscribed to a site. I just can't get my head around wholesale dating; and being on-display like a product on Amazon! The phoniness and the materialism explained exactly why most of those poor saps were still single! Some had more pics of their pets than themselves. Who's looking for a date, you or your cat???
Shirtless-guys in their underwear. Terrible warning-labels like: "No fems or fatties!" "White Only!" "Straight-Acting Only!" Braggadocious pics under the Eiffel tower, fancy ski-trips, or standing next to a sports car. Their profiles read like advertising-ads! *Ugh!* Girlfriend, I feel you!!!
I just decided to trust random opportunity. Stick to the old-fashioned method. I like to met and see him in the flesh. I'm wise, confident, and told I'm good-looking. So, I depend on my God-given gifts and personality. I travel, I make friends very easily, I host and entertain my friends (and allow them to invite their eligible single-buddies), I'm an active volunteer for charities, and I'm a community-activist.
I get a lot of exposure; so a few years ago, I met this great-guy. So he seemed! We traveled, had a great-time. He loves to spend his money, he had plenty; so he lavished me with gifts and trips. I'm comfortable; so I did the same for him. Then I got blindsided and dumped! I went through my post-breakup misery; which is how I ended-up here, as an uncle on DC. I vented my woes and sorrows, made fun of myself. Helped others hurt like I was. I'm me again!
I have been in a great relationship for the last five years; and we met totally at-random. I was shopping in the plant section of a home supply center. Our eyes met, I quickly turned-away, and continued shopping. He came-up behind me, and he asked me a dumb question. He has excellent gaydar; I didn't pickup on his signals! We chatted, exchanged numbers; and he's now my boo! I talk about him here all the time. He doesn't read my posts. Has offered great advice. He calls me Dear Abby! I don't like it!
I never felt urgency in finding a mate. I guess I've had real-love in it's purest form; and I finally got a taste of my independence again. Even in a relationship, it's there. We are not co-dependent, but we are a team. We are mature, and don't embrace the stereotypical gay-mindset. We teach each other, and we trust each other. I've know long-term relationships all this time; because I never lost touch with who I am. I just needed some coaxing to reopen my heart; after I lost somebody I truly cherished. I try to be good to people and give-back; so I guess my blessings come back to me.
Don't lose hope or patience. Enjoy dating, don't turn it into a manhunt or mission. Evaluate your prospects carefully, and keep your feelings in-check; until you know where he's coming from. Stay active and visible to the public; because there are men out there looking and searching. People are stuck on those stupid dating-sites, shopping for love; but they soon find that human-nature is always the same. Greedy, selfish, self-centered, and flawed. Yet sweet, loving, generous, sympathetic, self-sacrificing, and generally good people. Just separate the bad-apples!
Perseverance and a positive-attitude reaps great reward. Giving-up in frustration; because you don't get everything you want instantly, is why so many over-entitled young people can't find love. They also make demands from people they don't deserve, and set standards they themselves can't meet. They want everything yesterday; but screw-up what they have when they finally get a good thing. Being insecure, suspicious, jealous, selfish, or possessive.
It takes working on yourself continuously, accepting constructive-criticism, and listening to the wisdom of older people. They're a great resource, and all you had before Google. Read books and publication. I still tap into the wisdom and experience of old-folks as a resource, and it enriches my life.
Sex is easy to get and giveaway. The problem is, you'll get objectified and/or played; when men realize how easily they can get it. You don't have to play games, just be mature and level-headed. Get to know him. Insist he be honest up-front.
Stand for no guessing-games, or be duped with flattery.
Losing confidence is giving-in to self-defeat. It's being over-entitled, and spoiled; because what you want doesn't come quickly or easily. Take failure as a sign you need to work harder and learn from your mistakes. Love isn't supposed to come too easily. We're supposed to work for it. When we get it, we have to cherish and maintain it. Don't worry about how long it takes to find it, be more concerned about the quality and realness of it, once it is found.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2018): Don't settle for what You want!!! It's better to be alone than with the wrong person. You can feel more alone with the wrong person. Your doing it right, Your not just giving Yourself away. You are valuing Yourself. You are not cheap. You are beuatifully and wonderfully made. Saving for Yourself for the best, Harmony partner for You. That is beautiful. Your partner, will love that about You. Make Love to only the one You want to spend the rest of Your life with. This is beauty. It is also proteciton. Write down what You want in a mate, Put it in sight, read it aloud and look for it. It's better to wait, than have ill fate.
Romeo
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