A
male
age
26-29,
*ightwalker95
writes:My fiancé of 2 years left home 3 weeks ago. He says he still loves me but we need to start our relationship again. I want a life with him so starting again is hard. Should I re-propose to him? Or should I let him go? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): I'm going to take your age into account. If you're both between 18-21; I think he got cold-feet, and he may not really want to be engaged so soon.
He may want to slow-down and restart your relationship taking more time to get to know one another. If it was a whirlwind romance, and "you're" in a hurry to get married; he has come to his senses. Marriage means you can't see other men, you are committed to one person. Marriage is a serious life-time commitment. Not just a reason to have pretty gay-wedding.
You are really too young to be considering marriage. In gay-culture, you haven't dated enough people; and gained enough life experience. If you're under 20, nor do you have enough education and work-experience to overcome many of the financial-obstacles marriage will present. I don't think either of you are ready.
I think he realizes that. He must have gotten some good advice somewhere too. Either that, or this is his lame way of breaking-off your engagement.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (5 March 2015):
 Hi,
i hope all went well, when your partner came over to your house.
I would like to know how you both got on & what happened, if you don't mind me asking.
Please reply, when you have a chance.
Thank you in advance! :-)
...............................
A
male
reader, nightwalker95 +, writes (4 March 2015):
nightwalker95 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering, he's coming to my house today. I shall let you know how things get along.
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (4 March 2015):
From reading your story, all i can say is to allow him his space, while he actually decides what it is that he actually wants.
You may love him & wish to be with him, but if he requires his space, his freedom, his wanting to start over again?? Whatever that means, seriously you need to let him go.
Why don't you try focusing on yourself & your needs, during this time too, no matter how hard, or painful it is for you, to come to terms with his change of behaviour, bec by doing this, you will be attending to your all important needs too.
You are not less important than your partner is, so do yourself that all important favour & do what's best for you & your innate needs.
Worst case scenario.
What if your partner doesn't come back to you, re-commit, start over?
You must think about this prospect & to be brutally honest with you, it sounds as though this is what will eventually happen, if not already & yes, sadly for you, but better to know where you stand now, than to be led on, or played for a fool, or to commit fully, then to be hurt even more deeply.
You sound like a good, decent, person, so get on with your life & if it is destined that you two are not to be long term partners, then you'll be free to open your heart fully, once again & maybe just find that ideal suitor.
The person that you were meant to be with from the start, although i know you may find it hard, to accept & believe this right now.
Hold your head up, be strong, good luck & please let me know how you get on.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (3 March 2015):
What does he mean by start again? I don’t think anyone can answer this question for you with the amount of detail you have given here. You have to ask him what he means by starting again. You have to both want to give it another go, and if you do agree on that, simply re-proposing is a complete waste of time. To truly start again, you need to talk. You need to know why he left. He needs to know how his leaving has made you feel. You need to each identify what you think wasn’t working in the relationship before, and agree together how you will work through these issues together. Do you need to communicate differently? Did you get locked in to a pattern of taking each other for granted? What, frankly, will stop him up and leaving next time things get tricky? Starting again means honestly and openly examining what went wrong, identifying what might have made things better and working out how you’ll put it right for the future. So what you need to do now is explain that to him, agree to talk and thrash it out. Good luck.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
|
