A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend about 5 years. most of that was long distance but we live together now. Living together has been so nice, so much better than apart, we're pretty receptive to each other's needs and we're both going through school and are really good at supporting and encouraging each other through that because it's been tough for both of us. At times I think he's an indispensable part of my life, and that I don't know what i'd do without him, and he makes me feel safe, my rock, my refuge from the rest of the world. But I also go through periods where I feel trapped, where I want to know what else is out there. doubts creep in like 'is this the best i can do.' I have a very, very limited romantic experience range, he is my first long term boyfriend, and I literally don't know what else is out there and sometimes that makes me feel off-kilter, how do you know the color blue if you've never seen red orange and green which doesn't mean i want to just sleep around with the world rather than explore personalities. I'm pretty sure if it were up to him, we'd just keep on like this til we die, but sometimes I feel like I want to know what else is out there, do I even know what love is. Doubts sometimes beget other doubts, like "well remember that time you doubted this was right, that's probably a sign that this isn't right and you should move on". i like my person, and I'm happy right now, and usually to dispel negative thoughts i think about how i'm happy right now and why would i want to tamper with that, why mess up something that's good, and I don't know if I'll get something better or worse if I left, and there's no guarantee that he'll still be there for me (certainly have no right to ask him to wait for me, although sometimes I want to just take a break, explore myself, see options, and then return.)the devil side of me says, is happiness enough? what about fulfillment? or is that part of the fairy tale of love? it is so...idealized and engrained in our culture that I don't know if I have attained it or achieved it or only want to think i have because i'm scared to be alone.
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a break, long distance, move on, period, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 You can dress it up in a lot of words but the choice is simple:
Stick with what you got and accept it without constantly wondering if the grass is greener on the other side.
Look if the grass is greener but knowing you can never go back.
You can't have your cake and eat it to. No matter how you dress it up.
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