A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to know how you can regain trust for someone, and how do you know when you're ready to forgive someone.My boyfriend cheated on me emotionally a few of months back. He lied to me and had always liked an ex of his and had been seeing her for casual friend dates behind my back. He didn't cross the line with her because I found out rather early. Whether you consider this cheating or not, I felt cheated on, betrayed, and like a fool to have believed that he loved me. I cried rivers of tears. He begged and promised me to cut ties with her. I took him back.Fast forward 3 months, I feel like I still have not gotten over him and his ex. I know he's been trying very hard for our relationship. I have access to his facebook and email accounts, but I seldomly have the chance to check his phone. We don't live together, and I feel that I don't know whether he's still talking to his ex or not. Whenever something reminds me of him and his ex I'd flip or go silent. We constantly argue about this, whenever he goes out with his friends I'd suspect that his ex would also be there. We have argued about things like this numerous times.People say that if one partner has given you reason to doubt, then this relationship isn't worth it.But it is worth it to me. I want this relationship to work out. And I feel that my paranoia is single-handedly ruining this relationship. But I also know that I am not ready to forgive him and am unable to get over the feeling of betrayal. What can I do? I want to forgive him and move on. I want to get over him and his ex, and I don't want to constantly check on his stuff. How do you regain trust for someone? And how do you forgive and move on?
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male
reader, 23ConfusedOne23  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 That changes ALOT! If that is correct then he doesn't deserv you and you should move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the suggestions.
I guess I should clarify that I found out he still liked his ex very much when hanging out with her and even asked her if they could be together if he was single. He even considered dumping me and said how much better his ex suited him. They were in no way 'just friends'.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Hello. I have experienced exactly this situation, It is dam hard.However, i started by checking his every move,phone call e.mail and it was a nightmare. I felt like an intelligent Cloouseeau. When i thought sod it,and chilled and relaxed,guess what? i felt better and he felt no pressure,so guess what? life was good again and the trust came back. Whilst i was acting like a detective he fought back and i got even more suspicious.Ehen i decided to try good old fashioned trust he responded in a positive way. So think this through and adapt to your situation. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, 23ConfusedOne23 +, writes (20 February 2009):
Well relationships are about trust and compromise. If you can't do those then it will not work out to be a healthy, lasting relationship. Sounds like he wanted to stay friends with his ex-girlfriend and that's why he was with her. You can tell him that you are not comfortable with him seeing her and ask him if he'd be ok with not seeing him. If he loves you then he will give up on her because you should be the one that counts the most. HOWEVER you can not be mad at him for something he did not do. If he didn't do anything and you see that he's not hanging out with her then it's very wrong to hold a grudge against him because you will have no trust. By his action you will see your choices but without trust and compromise the relationship will fall apart.
With that said just TALK TO EACHOTHER.
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