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anonymous
writes: how do you recapture the fun in a relationship that seems to have lost it, assuming you're both still very in love, but maybe assume only one person is willing to make much of an effort, b/c the other believes relationships shouldn't be work, they should just be natural. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Win the lotto, get a huge inheritance, or remember that you invested $100,000 in Google.com's initial public offering.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Hi Anon,
I think one of the big things in a relationship is to keep doing new things together. It keeps the relationship lively and fun. For example - my husband and I haven't done anything really fun in like a year b/c we just moved and got new jobs, so we had to adjust to that. Just recently we've been getting out and doing fun stuff - horseback riding, going to museums, taking day trips to nearby towns we've never been to, going camping, etc. Maybe you guys need to do something like this. I mean, it's fun and "natural" and hardly seems like work since you're enjoying the time so much.
Now, if you feel your partner just doesn't seem to want to cuddle or anything as much as before, then maybe you two could have a talk about where you both see things going. See what his reasons are for thinking realtionships shouldn't be work (because they are!). Maybe once you find out his feelings, you two could come up with some sort of compromise. Or maybe you two could try couples counseling. I know that may seem like "work" to him - so maybe if you go alone and tell the couselor what's been going on, he/she might have some suggestions for you, etc.
You could also try giving him some more space as some of the other aunts said. That may make him realize what he is missing when you're out with your friends, etc. But then he may hang out with his friends during this time, too. That's not a bad thing - it's actually healthy. So maybe by you two going and doing you own seperate things several times a week, it will help your relationship grow stronger.
So try to get out and do new and exciting things together. If that doesn't work, then try talking to him and maybe even seek the help of a counselor. If that's not good for either of you, then maybe you guys just need to get closer by spending time apart. At least you will have more things to talk about - what each of you did, etc. That would also help strengthen the relationship. :)
Take care.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): The very same thing has happend to me recently.I felt i lost the spark in my relationship i felt i was the one who was making most of the effort and being took for granted.I then felt i needed some space to take a bit of time out so i made a few excuses and then had some quality time to do some things i like doing by myself or with my friends who i felt i neglected a bit.During this time it must of gave my partner the wake up call as i kept getting asked "do you still love me" "i love u so much etc" it gave us a bit of a recharging period as things for me got a bit stale.Dont get me wrong we are and always have been very much in love but sometimes if you spend too much time together like we was doing things can change.And one thing i have learnt is not to always make the effort make the partner do their share let them text or ring you first instead of it always being you doing it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): I think one person can work on a relationship even when the other party is getting a bit lazy and taking your for granted....one way is to be a little less available, be spontaneous and go out with the girlfriends at the last minute and leave him home sitting and wonderng what you are up to, take some classes or learn a hobby so you have something new to share and you can feel challenged by learning something new.
Sometimes boredom comes from within because we have given up too much of who we are in order to be in a realtionship, don't do that, stay active and involved in your own life and interests, after all that is who he fell in love with.
Try to get intimate with your man as far as asking him questions about his family or past, get to know what he is truly interested in and find some common ground so that you can share these interests together...or find a new one that you both can get excited about.
I think if you work on these things then the fun will just happen naturally because you will be doing more things that you enjoy.
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 hi there
its a good thing u are willing to recapture the fire and fun u once had unfortunately this is something u cant do on ur own, u and ur partner seem to have different views about relationships its true relationship doesnt have to be a work but laterally speaking it is bcos suddenly u have someone u never knew existed and u need to learn to understand this person's character, values and perspective towards life and all this things doesnt come naturally the attraction and compromise did. sit him down and maturely tell him why u feel the fun is gone and as much as u want to be with him u also want to have fun filled love. avoid finger pointing sessions. u can start by doing little things u once loved doing together, visit the place u had ur first date, take walks, cuddle, make a date sit together silently in a quite place for 30min this will bring back connection u once had.remember the two of u need to be comfortable about all this otherwise the situation might move from better to worse. good luck
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